12/13 - SANTA BARBARA~ MY PARASOL!

12/13-
So... I thought I'd be able to sleep in. Thought wrong... I got woken up early from a deep sleep. Kelly comes in asking joe where her car keys were & that she didn't remember if she drove there lastnight. Um, can you say scary? So, once I'm awake I'm awake & I can't go back to sleep! I was soo pissed. Got up & joe's mom made us coffee, SO NICE! We all were so lazy & tired. Me & joe went back & fourth if we were going to take a shower or not, or who will go first. Lol. So he does, 'cause I tell him I'm gonna take a long one. I am so glad I took one, I felt SO much better. I love those kind of bathrooms that have a big window you can open wide & get the cold brisk air in as you take a really hot shower. I did my hair & make up while listening to his mother sing word from word every Tori song that was pumping out of the "mixed tape" joe made his mom years ago to get her "into" tori! It was so kewl. It had me smiling in the mirror as I did my hair. It reminded me of all the mixed tapes I made for my dad & friends when I was turning them on to Tori. Fuck, one time I was getting into my G'ma's car & she was blasting 'Precious Things' from a bootleg I must've left in her car. LMAO!
So, I'm glad that I took my time w/ them. They are SO fun to be around. I started getting just a little bit worried about the time, just because I forgot it gets darker earlier now. So, we all take our bags & she takes Tyra barks w/ us. I LOVE that! Tori did say "you can bring your dog" Well, that's ezactly what we did! So, this next tour moment is brought to you by: raven, joe, joe's mama, tyra banks, soft fluffly blankets and the mighty breakfast burritto I couldn't put down. THIS IS ANOTHER FAV. TOUR MOMENT I'LL NEVER FORGET! So I pile in the back of this truck w/ white fluffy, seemed like goosedown comforter, blankets & pillows. Omg, this had to be the most fun & comfortable ride I ever took. Great company, great panoramic view, had my camera ready. Took some great shots! I couldn't believe how perfect these shots came out behind a window & speeding on the freeway? Love this camera! Joe kept going on & on about this breakfast burrito & I'm thinkin' yeah yeah. I'm very picky about food & don't like a lot of things. But I was remembering how one of my new year's resolution was to try new things. So I did. I trusted joe! So, he called in our order so we could just pick them up on the way. Joe & his mom had x-mas gifts & wanted to do a little x-mas get together w/ their family before we really headed out of town. So I'm so compfy & enjoying the view & I get to stretch my leggs out. We stop & joe runs in to get the burritos & a Dr. Pepper (of course). Omg, he opens the back of the truck and digs in this bag & out comes the biggest burrito I have ever seen! I am soooo glad I tried something new! I swear it was the best breakfast burrito I had ever sank my teeth into. I have thought about it a few times since being home & was continplating if I should drive all the way to San Deigo to get this burrito. It's that good. Next time I'm in SD for sure! I was having the time of my life back there. We stopped @ his family's for gift exchange, I didn't go in to give them privacy-plus I was making love to my burrito. I remember taking a picture of a school that was across the street, I liked the sound of the bell ringing and children coming out of school. All their little voices. I took the picture to remind me to have children some day. We took off for the freeway soon after. Taking piccys along the way-of clouds & palm trees and the car behind me so I can remember what a repore that dad had w/ his little girl in the backseat. He talked to her the intire way, looking back in his mirror as she laughed & giggled. What a good daddy I thought and hoped to have one of those one of these days. "Hang ten honey, I got to get me one of those". :o)
All the while texting friends like crazy! Trying to text, take photos, touch up make-up and catching the sun before it goes down-what a multi-tasker! I will never forget the texting back & fourth with Drew/Kayla. He said some of the most beautifulest things to me that day. Thanks for making it a memorable fun ride! xox. I even said to myself that I'd rather have this ride go on forever just like it was instead of going to the show. I was excited for all sorts of reasons. I LOVE Santa Barbara & the venue, seeing friends again, feeling like it was going to be a really good show and was to finally meet up w/ a good old friend that flew in from Costa Rica. I planned on meeting up w/ him in San Deigo, but that didn't work out & I'm glad it didn't. I had so much fun @ joe's mom's house & the drive up to Santa Barbara! I was just kinda mad @ myself, just a wee bit-because I thought it was a shame to show up so late when it was dark when Santa Barbara is such a lovely place. I would have loved to have walked around w/ friends & take photos around town. Made me feel better to know there wasn't a meetngreet. I knew we'd miss it anyhow. I wasn't expecting to make it. My bad. But there's always next time. And I had fun on the drive. I see all the lights & get all giddy. We drive around to look for parking. My window was open & It was funny, like everyone I saw walking on the sidewalk I knew. Haha. I saw Jesse & yelled for him. "It's raven, I'm in back of the truck" lol. He was looking around & spotted me & waved his arm in the air. We parked up the street from the venue. Pretty close! I hopped out & grabbed my purse and sweater & then saw Danni Rabbani walking across the street. I called him to come over, we walked down together, passing all the little snow/winter scenes and penguins. God, they really go all out on decorations here don't they? I realised just then I remembered the same decorations on a previous tori tour. Lol.
Gotta love it! I walked up & loved on some of my friends. Noelle pops up again. My OG's. Max, shelia, lisa, danni, karen, julienne, ran into Mike again (he might have had the license plate w/ him still-lol), Danny, Glo, my babies-Kate & Chris, just everybody, it was friends galore! I see my friend from Costa Rica Manuel standing in the doorway waving me down. Oh it was so good to see him I run in gave him loads of hugs & introduced him to all my friends. I haven't seen him for so long. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit me in Hollywood. Things between him & I that night @ the show was fun, were fine (until later-that's the "things are getting way beyond gross" part I was talking about). I even ran into a 'Sweet Fat Man'. :o) Steve is just that-SWEET! Talked to him in San Deigo & was it ever so nice to talk to him again & snap a quick photo just as the lights were blinking letting us all know "go, fucking run". Just kidding. Even tho I was late I ran into a lot of friends. So remember that other person I was dying to see besides Karen? Well, that was Katey! And where I walked in & sat she was walking up the isle and I said "hey" & put my leg out to trip her, just like I did to Mark (tori's husband). Heehee. It was soooo good to see her & catch up w/ how things were going in her life. She brought her boyfriend who she introduced me to by saying "I think he's the one". Hurrah! I think that's beautiful. So happy for her. I love that girl. As we were talking the lights were about to go out, or they did, don't recall? I had to move from my seat & saw a empty seat in front of Manual. Funny, of all places! Nice. So I have an isle seat in front of my friend. I wanted to get closer & remembered Danni telling me that he'd save me a seat. I told Manuel goodbye. So I looked to see where D. was sitting & spotted him "fighting" w/ a thick-necked jock jerk in front of him. Haha. Here I'm trying to get his attention & climb over laps to get to him & he's going off. LoL. Finally I call him & he gestured to "come on girl", so I went. Glad I did, I had the most fun sitting w/ Danni Rabbani. Him & Joe (note to self-remember this). Danni's all into taking video & pictures like I am, so we had fun together doing that. I have to admit something-i really didn't 'try' hard to get good shots this tour/just sorta did it in a relaxed way. For several reasons. Anywho, we had a lot of fun! This dude, this asshole/weirdo sitting in front of us-when ever I was taking good video of tori he would lean over & pick his butt getting his big fat head in the way! I was so pissed. I told him to go home & take a nap, because besides him picking his butt he didn't move at all. Like a statue, like he didn't want to be there. I got only a handful of pics. I deleted some video 'cause his fat fucking head in the way. Bastard! I got a improv & a fuck up. And a few other things. I would have gotten 'Parasol' if I wasn't freaking out so much! Ohhh I love this song. I asked her to do it. That's where I got my myspace URL from/part tori-part fiona: MySeaViewOhWell.
I never dreamed that it would be Danni I'd be sitting next to, having so much fun @ a concert with! I'm so glad he came up to me in San Deigo after all. It reminds me of how much fun he can be! The Show- (who doesn't love The Arlington Theatre?) We got Clyde e poo again. I didn't mind. I like her songs. (Danni told me on New Year's eve about her dress, he's all wtf was up w/ the puffy thing on the bottom. Haha. Weird thing is I don't even remember what Clyde was wearing). We got the Clyde songs-(I must tell you this-I really wasn't that familiar w/ 'Beauty of Speed', didn't even know what it was about, I always fast forward that song-it took hearing it live on the Arizona bootleg on headphones, randomly, while making eggs for breakfast just this morning--3 weeks after tour. wow.) Me & Danni were just snapping away and after 'Big Wheel' she starts playing a few notes. Now, this I don't get: 'Parasol' being one of my most fav. song in the world. Why in the hell didn't I know what it was? She did like a different little intro & danni knew before I did. We look @ each other trying to figure out what it was. He's all "it's parasol, it's parasol".



I didn't believe him @ first. Then I heard it & I swear my heart went into my stomach. It's sad tho because I hardly remember anything about it because I was so shocked & freaking out. A silent freaking out inside you know the kind well. We all have had this storm of different emotions swirling inside us when she plays our fav. song. After she was done, I just stood up in a sea of people that were sitting down. I was not that far away & in the very center. She turned right in the middle, like she was gonna play both keyboard & piano. I stood up and pointed at her, she looked up & out right at me. I did the 'my fingers to my eyes, to hers', you know the we're on the same page/telepathy thing going on there. (Hard to explain). But we had a little moment. So glad she played this! "When I come to terms"...this is similar to a poem I wrote years ago. Fucking amazing! Ok, then she starts in w/ 'Spark' another fav. We just look @ each other w/ open mouths. Haha. Then few song later 'Black dove (january) "I never let on how insane it was in that tiny kinda scary house by the woods". Seriously. Where was this song when I needed it? Then 'Alamo' & 'Toast', 'Past the mission' w/ 'Talula' following. Back to back. The funny thing was, I lost my shoe during the Code Red rush. I think someone stepped on it, I don't know, it happened so fast, all I remember is seeing my shoe flying high in the air. Haha. I didn't care to look for it until after the show, even tho they were new shoes! Haha. I Iooked back real quick & saw a herd of crazy tori zombees, so I said forget it! It felt funny standing there w/ only one shoe on & uneven, but that's rock'n'roll baby! Lol-i'm just kidding. Another highlight for me-when tori got to the part of 'Tear in your hand' where she says "maybe it's time to wave goodbye now" I yelled "don't even think about" and she looked up & gave me that ear to ear smile/grin we all love. Again, I just wish she wasn't so tired and for the most part she was w/out passion. I understand she was tired by the time she got to us, she should start over here on the West Coast first for a change. The show was pretty good tho. I had a great time w/ friends in a great venue & city. After the show I went to go bullshit w/ the lighting tech. I retouched my make up while tori's hubby looked at me like I was crazy. Just kidding. I talk to him every now & then. I use to more often, but he's much more disconnected now, kinda like his wife. It is what it is. So I had a good night. The funny thing is, I think my timing is off because that night I wanted to stay outside the venue & talk. Seems like EVERYBODY cleared out from there FAST. It was eerie looking at the empty venue. The nights I'm sooo tired & just wanna sleep seems like some peeps wanna go out to eat at resturants & stuff. So joe, his mom, manuel & I walk to the truck to get my suitcases out & put them in our rental car that manuel got us. Piled in the bags. Got in, put the heater on & took for the freeway. As we passed the venue, being the last people there, it was so empty, eerie & sad. Manuel kept insisting on putting the GPS thingy on, even to this is my hometown & I live 40 minutes away. He wouldn't listen or trust me & it was annoying. He is from Costa Rica so he was very cold all the time. ALL THE TIME. So he blasted the heater & I was like dying after awhile. The lovely thing-I saw 3 shooting stars on the way home. I was on the phone w/ Shelia when I saw the first one & told her. It's been a long time since I saw one! Made a few wishes! I was hungry & wanted to stop somewhere quick. Not much was open. He wasn't hungry & he really didn't wanna stop anywhere. There's a Denny's right by my house, so I had him stop there, I just wanted a bowl of Frosted Flakes. As we pull up I remember saying "wouldn't it be funny if we bumped into some tori peeps in here?" He hardly replies & was just moody the whole time. I was tired too, but shit chill out. So, we go in & I see of all peeps my girl Rachel & her friends. I been hangin' w/ her all the shows since Oregon. Haha. So cool. So she came over & sat for a few & we snapped our latenight photo. Love that girl. She's so down to earth. Manuel unimpressed w/ everything sits there all smug. They didn't have frosted flakes those assholes, so I got moons over my hammy. It's so huge I left half of it. He wasn't hungry. We take off, go home & he takes forever to get his stuff out of the car & by this point I am freezing & exhausted. I don't understand why because he only had a tiny suitcase? So we get in, get ready for bed, and this is my first time being home w/ my bags. Being the neat freak that I am, I wanted to unpack everything & put them in their proper places, but I was simply too tired to do so. I let him have the big bed while I slept on the couch. He closed the door & went to bed, while I stayed & starred @ my suitcases & spent some quality one on one time w/ my fish that I haven't seen for nearly 2 weeks. My little underwater creatures were glad to see mommy's face up to the glass again. I would have had everybody stay @ my place if I had more room. Plus there was a certain someone that I didn't want tagging along & staying w/ me. Oh hell no. Plus travelling w/ a bunch of people I needed it to be calm & quiet. So... Off to beddy bye & of course I'm always the last one to shut they eye.

12/12 -LEAVING ARIZONA FOR SAN DEIGO

12/12-
So we get up way too early, but samantha wanted/needed to talk to tori about getting an interview for her docramentry. Even tho people move once you have spoken w/ tori , so others behind you move up, I totally understand the urgency. She just wanted to make sure. I knew they probably wouldn't stop to eat or get coffee so I was smart & on my way out I saw a fruit bowl & grabbed a bananna & green apple. Good thing I did. I ended up eating the bananna & that apple, haha, well it ended up keeping me company on the rest of the trip & I ended up eating it @ home (for the Ritz Carlton that was a gross apple). I was tired the intire way. I didn't even bother doing my hair or make up. I tried to sleep but couldn't. I dozed off for like 20 mintues (that was weird-you know I'm really tired if that happens). So, I'm like all delirious. I was texting friends back & fourth almost the whole way. The drive was nice if I wasn't so tired. I love being on the road. We, at some point stopped to get gas & sam & jim said they were going to get their food & Del Taco, so I stayed in the car, there was no reason for me to get out because del taco had a drive-thru. But jim & sam came back w/ their food from Carl's Jr. So, I ended up having to get out of the car when we drove across to del taco instead of going thru the drive-thru & I tell ya, I have never been that tired & achey in my life-so any small move felt like a huge one. I get out of the car all pissed off & nobody seems to understand why. Ummmm ok... I come back w/ my crappy fast food, knowing that they were most likely talking shit. Who cares? On we go to San Deigo. We seemed to have took the longer way. So jim gets on the right track & finally we get there. One of my fav. venues I had to smile when we drive up to it. Copley sweetheart, oh how I missed you darling. We park on that crazy hill & I got out & got my make up bag & for any other reason than insanity or sleep deprivation, I chose the ugliest fucking blouse/dress top thingy over the few outfits I brought up w/ me to the fancy bathroom in that hotel next to the venue. What the hell was I even thinking bringing that ugly thing w/ me on the trip anyhow. I will never live this down. So mad at myself. Here I wanted to wear my black top & hair down. But instead this crap & hair up in a bun! I couldn't wear the same outfit as the day before in Arizona... So...
I get ready in the bathroom and was surprised how decent I looked for getting only 2 hrs. of sleep! I then come down to the doorman & asked him where I could get some coffee & something healthy to eat. He points me the way and I go walkin'. I find a starbucks on the corner & get my frapp. on. I then see a little organic place across the street, so after putting Equal in my coffee (sorry lisa-you're right, I been thinkin' I should change to Splenda!) I walk across the street and to my dismay I see someone I thought I would never see again. And what the hell was he doing in San deigo, in that resturant I was walking past and at that same time! Fucking nuts. 'Would have guessed anyone but you'. It was already too late to turn around, I don't think he saw me anyways. I'm thinkin'? It was Ricky!!! (Little Ricky)-now if any of you know the situation, as I think few know, it was a 'OMG, I can't believe this' moment. It was icky for me & very uncomfortable. He was eating lunch w/ his mother. Anyhow, I said 'what luck'. I go get my sesame bagel & on the way out I have to pass him again, I turned my head & put on my sunglasses. Haha. All traumatized I show up to where my friends & others were waiting for the meetngreet. Lisa, Sam, jim, ursula, char & others. I take a few piccys & chit chat. After a good while I stand up & kelly does w/ me. Again, I didn't see tori come out, all I hear is the collective quiet 'ohhhhhh's'. Haha. So I had asked my friends to take piccys while were talkin', visa versa. So I let everyone go first, I mean ursula & char were there first and sam. But I let the others go before me. I take piccys of char & tori talking, then ursula, then sam, then jim, then kelly. I Just kept snapping away. Then tori gets to me & we're talking. I told tori that: 'I have so much to say that when I see you I end up saying nothing at all'. Haha. She laughed, took my hand & said 'I know, but I can see it in your eyes'. I go 'what' because something fell beside me & we both look down. She repeated herself. I go 'oh' like unamused (I swear it is funny when ever I think about it, but I think I was just not clear-headed from lack of sleep). Then we talked some more (not tellin') & I asked her a question & she didn't seem to know what I was talking about, but I realise now that I didn't explain to well (tired). But I know she would have if I would have gaven her more detail. She just kept looking at my funny lip-shape. I remember her really focusing on my lips & face. She's so funny. It was that 'oh I'm being timed again, hurry up & talk' feeling again. Damn' me. Damn' time. My hand was even doing that 'hurry up motion'. My god. She knows tho I feel that way, that a lot of people feel that way. She must. Hopefully. Then I thanked her for playing 'The Beekeeper' for my G'pa that died not long before tour. And omg, right now while writing this I realise we talked little after that, but I have no idea, I don't remember. How sad is that? Anyhow this time I wanted to take our picture myself, so I did. I don't like it. I hate what were both wearing. I look like I'm wearing something out of 'little house on the Prairie' and tori, that scarf is god awful. I'm sorry. I remember thinking that when she came out. Haha. We have almost the same boots tho. Lol. I was hoping she'd come out w/out that wig on.
I wanna shoot that thing off her head! It's fine on stage, but I love tori's hair! Another thing- I wasn't wearing that much make up (as you can see in every piccy before & after) but the lighting/the way we were facing. I look like I'm wearing dark lipstick when I'm not, it looks nothing remotely close to the colour. My hair looks lame -and did I mention my ugly blouse? Yeah, I'm an ant-fucker/perfectionist too. Whatever- do you know how many photos I have w/ tori over the years that will never see the light of day? A lot. Oh well. It is what it is.
At least I don't have a burger on my nose or a black-eye. After I stepped away I was pissed no one took piccys like they said they would. Luckily Jen was at my right side & took a couple (that I totally forgot about 'til she sent them to me around new years eve via myspace). Ohhh Jen saves the day! Thank you sweetie. Muuuaaah. I just sent you a kiss. After the meetngreet a bunch of us went walking to find somehwere to eat. After what felt like walking a mile we found a woodstove pizza place. We got a big long table & I had the privlegde of sitting between Rich & Ursula. Rich is such a big teddy bear of a sweetheart! It was so good seeing him again. I always get good vibes off this fella. ;o). I ordered the same pizza I always order- tomato/basil/add pineapple. Yum yum. We were there for a long while. I was sullen. Didn't like how the meetngreet went down. But kept it to myself. Nobody understands anyhow. So what's the point? We walked back together, but I went on my own to the ATM & got some money out. I walked back alone, just looking for the hill so I won't get lost. It was dark. I see the big window where the box office is! Hurrah! So I walk in there 'cause it was colder then a mother fucker that night. I walk in knowing I'd instantly see peeps I know. And sure enough. I sit down & start chatting. Then I see my babydoll Jessie! I get all excited & yell 'jessie!' He was over looking the Christmas tree. Haha. So he looked up, smiled & came over for some huggles. I absolutely loved his Jimi Hendrix sweatshirt! It was good seeing him again & catching up. We hung out. Then I saw Noelle! Omg! She always sneaks in. I don't see her for 2 years, but ALWAYS run into her on tour. Never a doubt in my mind I wouldn't. This is another thing about tori shows I love. I was sitting there talking to them & I saw ...ok, I'm gonna skip this part/not for all eyes. Noelle gives me her extra tix. Thanx babe! So, I get up & mingle. I get so excited when I see my Karen (out of all the people I wanted to see the most, katey, jess & karen). I must've squealled. Gave her a big extra lonnng hug. Danni actually came up to me & said 'hi raven' & planted a tight hug on me. Wow. That was nice. We haven't talked since our 'beef' on Scarlet'ks Walk tour. We acted like nothing ever happened & just picked up where we left off (before the beef, that is-LOL) we ran around like little bitches taking photos. He kept video recording me-which I didn't realise 'till little later. Haha. *some are in my video section*
They look darker on myspace, not sure why?
All these happenings with only 2 1/2 hrs. sleep mind you! The human body amazes me sometimes. -So the ticket games start & smitty comes out holding the tickets hostage. The usual. The 'regulars' surround him. Some demanding, More then others. I know he was told to give tix to certain people. Which I find totally bazzar & disgusting, but whatever. Hopefully a certain somebody sees the light. Anyhow, so everybody is out there. All I do is stand out there & make myself seen-if he wants to give me a tix he will, if not-fine, but I am not kissing anyone's ass or pretend to be somebody's 'best buddy' to get tix. Hell no. Sale your soul. Not I ! It's such a pathetic & bazzar thing to watch & witness. Ok.. So the same people get the same seats as they do every single night on the tour. I don't care what 'favor' was done or whatever, it's just all so lame. New people will never get that chance to experience tori upclose because of these free-loading hogs. I can just hear the conversation now 'oh tori it would be a big relief off our shoulders if we could get free tix everynight so we can afford to do the whole intire tour'. You know because we are 'bigger fans' & love you more than the people that just do a few shows' fuck you. Selfish & greed. What lovely traits to have. So, even tho they all get front row they still argue amongst each other about who sits in what seat. It is quite amusing to watch. A certain one always has to stand up & do 'roll call' & 'organise', I think we all know who I'm talking about. It's so weird. After a while we all go in, everybody takes their seats. I sit in an empty seat. It was an 'alright' seat. I had better, I had worse. Lisa was right behind me. My friends-joe & his mother sat near me, but moved or was moved. I saw where Danni was sitting. Noelle was in the row behind me. I saw Max & his man down the row infront of me. So I was surrounded. I saw Jim later & he seemed like he hated where he was sitting. So, I took some photos & by looking @ them now, I am amaze by this little camera. How good the photos came out from me being pretty far back. I got better photos of course after the rush, I remember I was on a chair, bending on my knees. Haha...
The show- Well, it was alright, yeah we got 2 dolls which was cool.


Yeah tori flew off her piano bench & went straight to the end of the stage to kick out 2 girls who were being rude. 'Get the fuck out of my show' 'is she with you, she can go too'. But the setlist made me want to pull my hair out. Same songs, nothing exciting to report EXCEPT for 'Twinkle' (one of my all time fav.) It was nice to hear 'Doughnut Song' & 'Space Dog' again. Same Santa set. Same Izzy set. At least she finally really talked to the auddience (those 2 chicks she kicked out). I was disappointed the show wasn't better, Copley being one of my fav. places to see her and all. Oh well. By the time she got to us on the West Coast she was tired. After the show I went back & talked to the the lighting tech. Off we all went into the lobby, I met up w/ friends I had plans with. We were all spending the night at Joe's Mom's house, cool she lives in san Deigo. Some of us were tired (me, lisa & ursula) & some wanted to go to a local bar. So, we all walk to Jim's car got our bags out. Joe's friend took it upon herself to roll my suitcase herself. She rocks! So, we all walk to Joe's mom's truck-ursula got in the front & me & lisa laid down in the back. The others took off to the bar. I had to pee so bad, been holding it since the show & I think lisa fell asleep. Wow. Lucky girl. Wish I could do that! We finally get to her house & I LOVE IT! Such a 'family atmosphere'. All the Christmas stuff up & out. The tree and all the cute little things she put out. Their dog is soooo cute (I think her name was tyra barks-haha I kid you not unless I was really out of it, at that point it had been over 24 hrs. since I got some sleep). * I really got to say something here-if you came up to me & I didn't seem like myself or that I wasn't there, wasn't listening, I was. I was just so tired. Please take that into consideration. I love you. * Joe's Mom is the coolest mom ever, made me long for a mother. I saw how close & connected they were & it was absolutely beautiful! I loved being around that. I loved how all of Joe's artwork & paintings were up all over her apartment walls. I took pictures of them. Joe is very talented. He also published his poetry book. She had cute little cheese ball thingys out w/ little snowmen. I just HAD to take a photo! Haha. Her, ursula & I had such fun that night! Making little finger sandwitches, yum yum, artichoke dip & carrots, bottled water & cheese while lisa was in the shower. I was gonna take one after, but I was simply too tired. Ursula fell asleep soon after & lisa came out, got on the other couch & fell asleep. I talked a little more w/ joe's mom & then got ready for bed, took my suitcases in the room & laid down & looked @ my camera & ate my Sprees (which I lost under the covers 'cause I passed out, good thing I found them the next morning @ the last minute) until I fell asleep.... (That bed was very comfortable). I pulled out the bed underneath so joe can sleep there when he came in. So he did later on when he remembered there was a pull out bed. Haha. I slept @ Joe's house so I can sleep in. The others were taking off early for Santa Barbara while me, joe & his mom sleep in, take our time & get there when we get there. Off to sleep w/ Spree dancin' in my head.

12/11 -ARIZONA~Dropped off the edge again, she's been gone-have you seen her?

12/11-
We get to Arizona at like 2 in the morning I think it was. We checked into a sorta dive hotel, but it was alright, it was in walking distance to the venue. So we all bring our bags up, get ready for bed & as I'm recharging my phone I say ' I'm afraid to recharge my phone a rat might chew thru the cord'. Hahaha. I have to laugh everytime I think of it. So, again Lisa is the best bed mate, she doesn't take up much room & hardly moves! Grrrreat! So we get up way too early if you ask me, but this stupid 'check out' thing & having to eat & get ready. There was nothing else around to eat but McDonald's & I hate McDonalds! I laid in bed while lisa & sam got ready, then I got up & walked to Mickey D's & had the grossest chicken sandwitch I ever had. As I was walking in sam was walking out. After forcing myself to eat I walk back to the hotel & some guys that work there looked like they were at our door, as in already cleaning and I'm wondering where my suitcases ended up! So, I yelled up 'wait, wait, wait' and the guy gets all jacked up and gets an additude w/ me, so I get one back & go upstairs to where they are he's all 'I work here & I'm not @ your room' some bullshit like that? I'm thinking Dude calm the fuck down, all I said was 'wait'. He ended up kissing my ass in the end anyways. 'Sorry I yelled at you, you have a good day'. When I walked in the room I was so happy to see jim still in there, on the lap top & phone stressing on some tickets. My stuff was still there & I was so happy w/ myself that I got ready in like 20 minutes, that includes make-up, hair & packing. Ironiclly my hair & make up turned out the best. It's crazy. So, we get the call 'to leave'. Me & jim get our bags & drive down the street to the venue, where lisa & samantha are. Waiting to see if there will be a meetngreet. The day was beautiful. I get out of the car & take some pictures. I go up to where sam & lisa & a few other peeps are. I put my soda down & take a walk around the venue by myself. I need a lot of alone time. So I take more photos and a few of the venue marquee.
Lisa found me & we were gonna go to Starbucks, but she said it was far & I decided to stay & take few more photos & check the box office. Clouds started rolling in. I walked all the way around the building to where sam & the others were. Took more photos w/ friends & we all had fun talking. Somewhere along the line Ursula, Joe & Char showed up to the party in the rain. Some peeps were smart & brought umbrellas! Lisa & I walked to the Starbucks 'cause I needed coffee & I couldn't hold it anymore. I was so happy to be wearing my moccasins, I love them! I've got to wear them more often. Their really cute. It started raining hard, good thing we were back under the umbrellas by then. We waited & waited & tori finally came & popped out of a SUV & didn't even stop to say hi to us, she just gave us the little finger wave, like toodle-loo & in she went. Smitty did come out like maybe a half-hour before that to tell us it wasn't happening. For some weird reason, we didn't believe it & stayed anyways. It's so fucked because I was wearing the outfit I wanted to wear in 'the' photo w/ tori, of course I couldn't wear the same thing next day, so I ended up wearing a ugly blouse in the photo w/ tori the next day. Plus my hair was having a very good day. So, I was pissed, but use to it, so I shrugged my shoulders & we went back to the car to look for a resturant to gather & eat. We found a place, it was nice & fancy, they had Dr. Pepper, but I wasn't so fond of the food. Whatever. What are you gonna do? The guy that owned & worked the place was really super nice. I was irratated w/ people by this point & the way they were acting & their little comments. So, I still don't have a ticket & was going to go walk to the box office in the rain since people weren't ready to drive there yet. I went to the backroom & was taking quite a while fixing & braiding my hair. I come back out & sit @ the table, hoping they wanna drive. So, lisa calls me from the box office (well, really from Starbucks, she had already got her tix, then walked to starbucks & called me). She says 'get your ass to the box office NOW, they have 5th row!' So I freak out inside, but remain calm on the out & just right @ the perfect time jim & sam wanna go. So we get there, at a stoplight I tell them to let me out here, I had no time to look for parking. I go up to the box office & I couldn't believe it, they had sucky sucky tix. I was so pissed 'cause I sat there thinking to myself now if that was me I would have bought one for my friend & myself & let her reinburst me when she got there. There were other little things going on that was ticking me off. But by this time I was so tired of people 'just looking out for themselves' and 'every man for himself' mentality. So, I said to myself right then & there- 'fuck it I'll do the same. Why should I care if they don't?' So, I think I called her & told her the good tix were long gone by the time she called me. Blah blah blah. I told her I would have bought her one if I were in her shoes, guess she didn't like that. It was cold out & raining & was not in the mood to stand outside on my phone and argue. So I hung up, I remembered her getting so mad @ me for hanging up on her, she comes around the corner few minutes later while I was on the phone w/ a friend. She yells @ me that I was so rude for hanging up on her. I yell at her that she's the rude one. Wtf? Oh but it wasn't rude what she did, of course not. After a while it didn't seem to be a big deal to me, I thought whatever-and it wasn't her job to get me tickets anyways...I just thought it would have been nice you know...just sayin'...but whatever, so I chilled. Until later I see her go up to Jim infront of one of my old friends & she's like all talkin' shit. I was outside for a bit until someone gave me their tix, I been inside for awhile hugging friends I haven't seen for years. I missed these people. I'm looking around & that's when I see her. I was pissed yeah, but just let it slide off my back. If I really wanted to I could have gone over there, but I was sick of all the drama. I let things go sometimes...but I don't forget. Like that little comment she made @ the resturant earlier: 'Raven why are you so quiet? You are usually talking.... A LOT'. The way she said it was so condescending. I said 'It's better than being a mute like you'. 'You're a mute and when you do finally say something, what comes out of your mouth is ugly'. I don't think she heard me. This is why I like to go alone & do everything alone. So I just laugh it off & walk around w/ some friends. At times I really love & adore being on the road & doing these shows, but other times I can't wait to get the fuck home. Then when I get home I miss the road. Good thing I'm going to be doing a lot of travelling this year. So I go off to be a loner & talk on the phone w/ a friend. So I seperate myself from everybody, I'm on the phone in my little world & that's when Smitty comes up & gives me a tix. That seems to be when I get tix, is when I'm alone. It was so funny how it happened, like no words were exchanged, we just nodded at each other 'cause I was on the phone. But I told my friend to hang on & said 'Thanks Smitty' as he was walking away. So, a good front row center seat & didn't even ask. I got front row my very first night on tour from Smitty & 2nd night 'cause of my friend Joe giving me his tix. They were both corner seats tho. but what I like about those seats you can take photos, I wouldn't really take photos front row center, to distracting to tori & the people around me. If I had to choose where I wanted front row (besides Portland & Seattle) it would have been here and/or San Deigo ('cause that's one of my fav. venues, Copley has fond memories for me). Santa barbara would have been nice too 'cause she did my 'Parasol' & 'Alamo' and fuck I love 'Toast'. Don't care much about having front row in Oakland or the LA shows. It was perfect where I was at The Grove in Anaheim. That last show in LA had to be one of the worst shows I ever seen. Ok-Rammbling. So, I was happy enough. I remember seeing Tori here before years ago and I had front row that night too. Funny. So, I guess Smitty made the rounds to find my friends, they were standing together. What I think is that tori must have felt bad about not having time to do the meetngreet & told smitty to try & remember the faces that were up front. Because everybody that was @ that meetngreet upfront got front row. Rightfully so. We were all soak & wett earlier. Me Still on the phone, Char said 'raven, I'm sorry man, you missed it, smitty just did the rounds'. I say 'what'? Then hold up my ticket. So, I take my time & walk around, go to the bathroom, I love their mirrors! I walk in & just go to my seat. I loved to see my friends up there for a change. But what is weird is that everything always moves so fast. So, this front row was the kind devided in the middle, not all one long row. Which I like. Friends can come down & dance w/ me :o) I sat next to Nina, which was nice. She's quiet & still, but at least she doesn't keep getting up to get drinks, a obnoxious drunk that spills her drink on your feet, takes a million flash photos & ruins your front row experience. Who's does that? Totally drunk in the front row. Sad. And oblivious to anyone around her. More sad.
The show-



We got Clyde back to back. She was Clyde the night before in Oakland. Fine w/ me because I already seen Isabel, Pip & Tori front row. So now it's Clyde's turn. Clyde came out w/ her hot pink scarf and did her thing. 'Juarez', 'lil Amsterdam' & 'Upside down' are always nice to hear. Tori comes out and I was pleased to hear 'Sweet Sangria', 'Space Dog'-(one of my 'ole time fav. I swear, 'Space Dog' has that same relationship to 'Cloud on my tongue' that 'Baker Baker' has with 'Pretty Good year'. They go together. Soulmates. They found each other from across the galaxy, into tori's heart & head & out her mouth. And we were blissed with it). Fuck tori, what would I do w/out that song? You tell me! I LOVED to hear 'Cornflake Girl' because I rarely get to hear that song. Haha. Just kidding. 'Purple People'. Amazing. 'Black Swan', love this girl, this was the song I wanted played @ my funeral. 'Do you know where she's gone'? ...
'Northern Lad' another fav., 'Father Lucifer'- fuck yeah back to back. I been listening to this bootleg-just 'Father Lucifer' over & over again. That song moves me. When she started playin' this, I was all 'yes tori, yes.' She saw me get all into it. I even did my hand in the air like I was in church or something' haha. Whoops! 'The Beekeeper' was nice to hear again, I can never get sick of this song. Ever. And shame on anybody who doesn't like this song. Even tho. I had front row & she played a few fav. I still wasn't feelin' it like I use to. She seemed to have no energy or passion. The most fun I had was dancing w/ friends during 'Professional Widow'. Joe came from his 2nd row seat to come visit me, sam & ursula, just everyone was dancing. I took a photo of Tori's piano when she left stage. I love how it turned out w/ the lighting behind it, nice & eerie. Some girl wanted to dance w/ me & kept twirling me around over & over & over again. Haha. She was so cute! Thanx-it was fun! But yeah, I can hardly remember the show and that makes me sad. Just a blur. I go up & talk to my friend that does the lights, he gave me the set list. We talked for awhile. Jason & Ross came up to me to say 'hi'. Whew! I was talking w/ friends then out to the lobby we all go. It was so good to be back in Arizona and to see old friends. I took a piccy w/ Iggy Pop, yeah can you believe it his poster was there for the show. Ha! Gotcha! I love Iggy Pop. So we all crowded outside & chewed our free gum that they gave out after the show. Haha. Smitty was out there chewing gum as well. Then Kate & Chris wanted me to go w/ them to their hotel. Jim & the rest is who I was w/. Tug of war. So, I just stayed w/ Jim & the others @ the hotel that Ursula invited me to stay @ way back in Seattle. So yeah. No way am I going to be pushed out just because somebody wasn't 'getting along' w/ me. I've know ursula, jim and sam forever. So, that was pretty lame. I was the one who arranged the rides/place to stay in the first place. We take off to the hotel, ursula was already there w/ joe. Even tho we were staying at The Ritz jim parked the car across the street for some reason? So we ended up climbiing over a wett cement wall w/ our luggage. Heavy luggage. The wall wasn't that high at all, but still it was wett & like midnight. So we go in, as soon as we step foot in the door we were greeted. The place was like a winter wonderland, all christmasy. The nutcracker guy was almost as tall as me. A huge gingerbread house, a tree as tall as the ceiling & lights everywhere. I'm talkin' lights galore. It made me all fuzzy inside. Haha. The room was gorge. I wanted the extra bed because I didn't wanna sleep w/ anybody. The fucker was big. The bed was so comfy! We were all hungry so we got room service, but downstairs since we were the only ones awake in the hotel? We had to call the kitchen? Don't know what was up w/ that? Some went to the bar before we ate. Nice bar. Nice paintings hanging throughout the hotel. Joe had to leave for the Greyhound station @ 1am, to catch the bus to San Deigo. Poor Joe! We kept texing each other. We did that. Our midnight talks/texts. I miss those! So, we went into the next room & that's where we ordered the food, I went back upstairs for something & by the time I came back down the food still wasn't there. It came little later. We all ate, chatted & laughed. That was the best grilled cheese sandwitch I ever had in my life, I kid you not! So after a while we head up for the room, when I looked up at these 7 foot tall dudes, which I assume were basetball players. I hate sports w/ a passion (except for rugby & playing tennis) but ursula knew who they were. I think she said Utah Jazz. She started talking to them. It was funny to be in an elevator w/ such giants! Haha. They were all upset because they lost. So, we get to the room & put our pj's on. Nighty night we go. I couldn't fall asleep right away like everybody else did. Even tho I was exhausted & every other part of my body was saying 'excuse me brain, can you turn that big wheel off we want to fucking go to bed?'. Sleep you know? I finally fell asleep @ like 3am... Knowing we had to wake up @ 5:00/5:30am...wasn't so purdy.
*BY THE WAY~ I think the whole tix thing was blown out of proportion and I love Lisa to death. We talk & text like old blanket friends ;o)*

12/10 -DAY OFF/LEAVING OAKLAND TO ARIZONA!

12/10-
So I took a goodbye photo by that venus poster before we left. Goodbye in all kinds of ways. Yeah. Yes.
We took to the road, we were going to drive to LA, stay the night then leave early in the morning. I wanted to drive straight to Arizona that day and get a hotel by the venue. So when we stopped to get a coffee @ last minute jim's all 'why don't we just go today'. -um, heeeelllllo, I been sayin' that the whole time. So we go for it & it turned out to be another ONE OF MY FAV. tour MEMORIES. Just me, jim and lisa on this beautiful back road and THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD 'TAKE ME WITH YOU' and I can not describe how it felt. It was a perfect song for this drive. Beautiful day, weather, big blue sky and trees, 2 of my fav. people in the car w/ me and hearing a new tori song for the first time (well, new to me). and why is it new for me-well, several reasons. But I think I heard it once about a year ago, faintly & I was house cleaning. So, I really hardly remembered it. I remember the piano intro tho. I am in love with this song & can't get enough of it. It sends me to another place. Peaceful & calm-not the fast-paced place I'm at now. But, 'bare feet running with you' -that's me. 'Chase rabbits into their burrows' -'Somewhere the rainbow ends my dear' oohhh god, do I love that. 'Take me with you' - my new found obsession. What a gem tori & just think it almost didn't happen. Thanks Mark & Marcel ;o)....And just think I got to see tori perform it in Anaheim, perfect eye shot, I finally got those chills I use to get at past tori shows. And they were back full force. She made such an endearing look when she sang certain parts of the song. She looked out and at me and I couldn't even see her wig anymore, it was just that thin beautiful tori hair we all love and I could even see that old tori for a second. It was wonderful. it was surreal. Oh shit sorry-back to the drive. Haha.
It was lovely, relaxing and didn't take us long to get to the San Franando Valley to pick up Sammy j on the way. We stopped @ Borders on the way 'cause Jim wanted to get something. We spent waaay too long in there & me & lisa couldn't find Jim. Heemm, wonder where he took off to? I went upstairs to the bathroom, when I come out to wash my hands there's this easter basket full of tampons on the counter and I have never seen it like this before. I had to take a couple photos w/ it. Haha. Then we get to Sammy's house & she throws her bags in the trunk & then she walks me back into her house to go to the bathroom. It was nice seeing her mom there and her dog again. We pull out of her driveway @ around 8:00. On our way to Arizona we had fun, even tho I was very very tired & my leggs were penned up against the seat (note: never sit behind Jim w/ his daddy long leggs!). I had hardly no room. We listen to loads of cd's & talked. I mostly looked out the window at the stars. I was so tired but couldn't sleep. It's really hard for a person w/ major sleeping disorders to travel. Most people don't understand it and it's beyond frustrating. So we get to Arizona...

12/09 - 3rd OAKLAND SHOW

12/09-
Next morning up and going. I felt sorrow, like a 15 year old relationship had come to an end. Tori was more to me than just 'some woman up there on stage playing music' I think you all know what I'm talking about. So, I had decided that this was the last Tori tour I would do & that something had just died. It's not there anymore. I took a few pictures to document this moment & it was perfect 'cause Jim had a 'to venus & back' poster on the wall, sitting there lonely w/ nothing around it in the extra bedroom I was staying in. I'm glad I took these photos, but when I look @ them I get sad. I think Lisa left around noon to go visit her G'ma. So it was just me & Jim. On the way to the venue he turned me on to some new cd's/artists. I was really digging this music & the vibe it gave out. Thanks Jim honey, you can burn me that cd anytime you'd like. ;o). Me & Jim went to this vegetarian resturant & waited for Ursula, Joe, Lisa (bootleg lisa), Shelia and Carl to join us. We had fun talkin, taking pictures & I really was obsessed w/ their beautiful bathroom. Afterwards I ran into more friends. Then me & Joe snuck off to taco bell, (sorry Jim), I only picked @ my food @ the resturant. I ran into Drew & Kayla again. Fancy seeing you here. Haha. We were having fun until a roach tried crawling into Kayla's purse! Haha. We all took off & I didn't have a tix, I asked around. This time it was kinda taking longer. I asked this girl like twice & then after a while I turned around & there she was again. I was about to ask her again & I caught myself & said 'wait, I already asked you like 3 times haven't I?' She then came up to my face pretty close (haha) and said 'you wanna see a show?' So, I said 'yeah sure'. I think I asked her how much & she said 'nothing'. So we go in together. I already knew it was a balcony seat, but it was free, she was adorable & hell I had a plan. I tried sneaking in downstairs & the nazi's were like 'excuse me' & I kept walking & the bitch followed me. And the asshole from the night before. I told him to fuck off & get a life. And when he was holding the door open, I gave an ugly dreadful look at his hands to make him feel bad that he's getting old. I know I'm evil. I can be when pushed. So I go back upstairs, back to that girl. Her name is Rebecca by the way. So, I'm sitting there & I get a text from Lisa telling me to go downstairs & meet her at the door during 'Pro. Widow'. Fucking awesome. So I tell the poor girl goodbye again & actually tried & get her to come down w/ me. No go. So, I am so happy I went when I did. Down the stairs I go, just walking. Quiet lobby. No one around. Except for me... and let's just say me & my fav. girl Isabel/tori had a connection. It was magical. I still think about it today & it is eerie. So, anyhow, rush over to Lisa & we walk in. Sat like 5th row I guess! They were good seats to me. Sat in front of Lisa & Nina. This is when I met my new friend Max. The guy seating right next to me. My seat mate. :o) I asked him where he was from & he said Silverlake! I said 'oh really, I use to live in Los Feliz for years' (that's right next door). We got on really fast & well. We exchanged numbers and I kept running into him every show after. Hi Max! Ok, so this show was the best out of the 3 Oakland shows because she did a lot of my requests. I don't ask her straight foward (ok, maybe 'Parasol' I did) but in letter form, but not how you're thinking. And she did them in one night, so I was happy.
The show- 3rd Oakland show & the best out of the 3. First time for me seeing Clyde, so this night marks the point where I've seen all 5 dolls. The same 'ole songs & by now I am getting tired of hearing them over & over again. I was sitting around friends & had a pretty good seat. Then she started w/ all the songs I requested, which were: 'A sorta fairytale', 'The power of orange knickers' (one of my very most fav. songs I've never seen Tori do-I missed The Beekeeper tour (except for The Greek show), so I was playing catch up), 'Siren' and 'The Beekeeper' (for my G'pa and for me) so that was 4 songs in one night! Fucking hot! I was so pleased. She already did my 'CALS' the first Oakland show & my 'Beulah Land' my first show in Oregon. Now my 'Parasol' awaits me. It was really nice to hear one of my very fav. ever out of Tori's catolog of songs: 'Baker Baker'. This song will always take me back to the time, the moment I first heard this delicate, yet powerful song. Sheeeew, did she ever change my life. 'I know you're late for your next parade, you CAME to MAKE SURE that I'm not RUNNING'... and 'maybe not this time'... and the few piano notes right after that line, my god was I crying. Thank you tori for writing such a song/this and 'Pretty Good year' are sibblings, I know they are, that or soulmates. 'Rattlesnakes', 'Josephine' and 'Bliss' were really lovely to hear. Pretty damn, good show, but she was really tired and WAS IT SHOWING! Hope this DVD is worth all the time she spent making it, promoting it, perfecting it and allowing it to take up all her time and energy. Ooh and watching it in Arizona while we were all outside in the rain waiting for her. Whateves! Before the show I got to spend some time w/ my babies Kate & Chris. Love them to death. We must go to the beach again and get a new kite to fly! That other one was a cheap piece of gas station shit. Haha. I still have my Seahorse & turtle mood rings. I think of you everytime I wear them. :o) so after the show I hug all my friends goodbye! Sniff sniff. So don't remember much what we did after this. Were gonna eat @ a resturant w/ bunch of people but we all ended up back @ that fucking taco bell, lord help us! So...oh yeah, haha-we went thru the drive-thru & then parked next to lisa & shelia when this guy comes up & starts soluting us and calling himself commander. He did some gnarly push-ups as he counted off. Got some change from us, soluted us, then off he went. Haha. Wow. Jim, lisa & I left to go back to Jim's house. Lastnight there & I will miss his dad, mom, dog and house. Can I have your dog jim? Peeeaazzz? Come on!