you'll never see the courage I know...

never tell

never tell

Friday, September 25, 2009

My Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds Experience: Thought I'd take a walk today...

It's a Mistake I sometimes make...

but not this time

*A Sidenote* -
It's Ironic how I had this blog done almost a year ago and just had to click "post/publish", but life happened and interrupted , and sent me running to someone's bedside. That's life slapping you in the face, reminding you that there are much bigger & more important things going on out there, beside your little everyday world. As John Lennon said it so eloquently "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". So, I remind myself quite often these days that - do not put off what you wanted to say, what you wanted to do... for it might be too late..."IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN?"
(I'm sorry this blog stole so much of my time and that I allowed it).

Oh God, I don't know where to start?...
Really I don't. I just have to say this was one of the best experiences I had in a long time. I really don't know how to put it all in words but I will wholeheartedly try.
I originally planned to go to 8 or more shows in the beginning when the dates first came out.
I had hoped to do ALL of them, but it just wasn't going to happen.

Then life happens... due to family tragedy, moving and personal matters I curled up into a ball of depression and said "I'm not doing Anything". It was like this the intire month of August and the first part of September. I thought it would be like this from here on out. *THEN* at the last minute, well, actually the evening before the day of the show I decided to go and I'm so glad I did. I knew my Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds were in my old hometown of Hollywood, I KNEW I had to go. I was having last minute jitters. I pulled up my boots and faced the world. So glad I pulled myself out of that dark place and braved everything. I Did anything to get there.

And what a story that was alone. I didn't have a ticket, but we never worry 'bout that do we? ;o)

I called up a couple of friends so I could stay over after the show. I forgot all about my friend Shelia moving to West Hollywood, so I gave her a ring. "No problem, of course, it will be fun". She squealed. I love my friends. So then all the nervousness rushes in. I remembered buying a top for the show when the dates first came out months ago. I took it out of my closet, that shirt has been here, there and everywhere between the move. Surprised I still found it! I knew kinda how I was gonna do my hair, but I knew it had to have a flower no matter what. I didn't sleep very well, I mean I haven't seen my favourite guys in the world for so long now. I had been doing a lot and running around the week prior, the next morning I physically couldn't get up, it was so strange. That never happens to me, but my body was telling me "fuck off, I need sleep". So I listened. Got up later then planned, but not by much-took me longer then I thought to get ready. I got all dolled-up and ready to go. I couldn't believe I was going, but glad I was. Got money out the bank and all nervous and sullen, waited for my ride, took a few photos to capture my moment.

I wrote Nick a little note on a cute little sticky note on my way there. I didn't plan on it, and I didn't plan on writing him the second one (part two) in Seattle either that he read on stage, it was all last minute and perfect.

Got into Hollywood late, like around 5:00. I wanted so bad to see Nick in. When I finally walked up to the top of that crazy fucking hill they have there, there sat my friend Patrick! to whom I haven't seen in years! just sitting there with a Nick Cave album in one hand and a bottle of booze in the other. In his Red Right Hand. I knew him years ago when I lived in Hollywood! He walks the city streets at night like a vampire! His hair was blue this time.

He said was waiting since 3:00. Not sure what happened, but somehow he/we missed Nick. It already went down or maybe nothing? I'll never know. It was weird how nobody was waiting for him, or like I said, we just missed out. It was like The Twilight Zone man. Patrick and I hung about for a couple of hours. He had to keep pissing on a tree and this old security guy was watching him and I was cracking up.

I finally left, checking for tickets @ the box office every now & then. Walked around by myself, the way I like it. The Hollywood Bowl trips me out, there were people with picnic baskets, Whole Foods bags, blankets, etc. -haha. I never been there before, ironicly for I have lived in Hollywood for years! Finally a place where you could bring in your own food, but if I would have known that I would have. Instead I was forced to eat a sickneen hotdog that tasted so gross, I was almost-no I was gagging. I never eat hotdogs. This one was all big & fat & almost had me barfing. I had a Dr. Pepper that was majorly watered down & nasty and the shit cost me an arm and a leg! I causally walked up to the box office & got a front row garden box seat, box 3- for $55.00 even. Wow! This Rocks! I am not going to complain. Got great seats, walked in, got the Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds tote bag, found my seat to which Cat Power was already doing her thing. All this with no effort. Me likey!

As I walk up to my seat I notice this guy in the next box over, across the isle, rocking out and waving at me. He waved at me a lot. He complimented me on my flower in my hair: like 8 times. ha! I was taking photos of the show & all of the sudden he popped on over to my left. It was cool though. I climbed around trying to get some shots. He helped me over railings & chairs. So sweet. It was really nice to rock out with him, he was so much fun! I actually didn't care much for the 2 iditos infront of me (well, the guy was alright the chic had a problem w/ me the whole time, jealous bitch drunk off her old ass, she wanted to be my best friend tho. by the end of the show-but I wasn't havin' any of that bullshit). The show demanded all my attention anyhow. For the first time in my life I didn't even feel like taking any pictures! WTF? I just wanted to rock out! and that I did! I just watched in total awe & amazement, what the fuck was I seeing, my god-where was I? I have never rocked this hard in my intire life! I got up on the chair & rocked & danced so hard I kept falling off the chair, thank god for Steve's tallness & shoulder. He kept catching me. It was fun rocking out with Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers for those weirdos who don't know). He was sitting in the box to my left behind me, yes, behind me. I had better seats then Flea! We both kept yelling out our request for 'Stagger Lee'. I'm curious to know how their first show in San Diego was, I was supossed to be there, I don't believe it was this good, seriously. Being their first show they probably fixed any little mishaps that may have occurred. Nick and his boys were really digging and feeding off the energy of this pumped up LA crowd! I don't know how to explain it. It was like nothing I ever seen or experienced before. It was better then any Tori Amos, Fiona Apple or any other concerts I been to (did I just say that?- I feel blissed having found the 3 Best artists to see in concert! I love all 3 dearly!) He even topped himself when I saw him back in 2001. Like a fine wine he improves with age. I love him dearly. My Lord, I didn't want it to end! I wanted it to go on forever! They did my old favourites of course and some new ones, which I loved every single song off their latest album. The new songs kicked my ass. What was this 'Moonland', that set me up in the snow, in a black car, listening to the whispering DJ on the radio? I could invision every line that came from his lips, he's good that way, my fellow Virgo, male version of me. His B-day being Sept. 22 (Tori's Aug. 22) Just Magical. Numbers intrigue me. My 2 favourite artists (Tori & Nick) are so much alike. Their pianos are their best friends, lyric wise, God, death, life, sex, love, love lost, elements, moon, stars, oceans, trees, birds, wind and air-oh yeah and don't fuck with their gardens! They both covered Leonard Cohen, Beatles and many more of the same artists' songs. I love how he creates this whole other universe with his work. Very similar to Tori Amos. They both reside in the UK, close in age and very well read. The list goes on! Anyways, the way Nick plays his tambourine drives me up a wall. My fav. will always be the piano, but the tambourine is a close 2nd. You can laugh if you want, but if you haven't seen him bang that thing all about and against his hips and in the air and during 'Moonland' then you wouldn't be laughing. Seriously! ohhhhhhhhhh. It's like porn to me. And the title track of the album Dig, Lazarus, dig!-love the lyrics. There's a little book about how this song came about, written on the back of a scrap envelope-total genuis. Another fav. new song for me to listen to until I'm blue in the face is 'We call upon the authour to explain', for anyone that wasn't there, it's hard to explain. You couldn't possibly understand. How does one describe this song and seeing it performed live is really putting you on another plane. I wasn't on this planet. The lights at The Hollywood Bowl are amazing, perfect light show to go along with the songs. Changing from green & white to Red, white & blue, etc... During the break where the rock ends and funk part kicks in. Wow! Nothing compares to seeing this song at The Bowl, not even seeing it from front row in Seattle. Hollywood Bowl is now my fav. venue and I will be seeing shows there in the future! I keep invisioning it and I regret not getting this on video! -but I think I was just standing there with my mouth open. I also wished that everybody would have been there to see this, my friends, and even my enimies. That's how astonishing it was. What a gift. Anyhow, the intire show made me feel every emotion ever invented. I rocked so hard, fell back in love with an old flame and just plain 'ole had a good time. Which can be hard for me sometimes when I am still learning to live in the moment, stop worrying about my damn' to do lists, taking photos-and I can be overbearing at times I know. I felt free and gone went my depression of the bad news from back home for the night.

...but in rushed the obsession & the need to see more shows NOW. I didn't think I could love Nick any more than I did before, but it has happended-and an army of tanks burst out my chest. I felt very stupid not making my plans after all, but you can't blame me, nor can I blame myself really. I was literally surrounded by death and sorrow and loss and I didn't want to do shit. I sent out a little prayer before the show that I'd run into my old tori friend that I always run into at Nick Cave shows. Just to see a familiar face feels nice. The prayer worked! Out of 50,000 people @ The Bowl I ran into her! Before Nick and my boys came on I had to go pee, couldn't find the bathroom for the life of me. The one person I tap on the shoulder to ask WAS HER! Magical. I ran into her back in 2001 at The Wiltern (when they had seats) at the Seeds show, I had front row center again and I turned to my right and she was sitting right next to me! Amazing! What can I say? We have Great taste in music. Tori and Nick. The show seemed to end too early. Everybody let out a collective, disapointing sigh. I saw this timer on stage that Nick kept looking at. It was bullshit. It's because it is an open-air venue in a neighbourhood full of people that don't get to bed early anyways-so wtf? During the show the crowd was going nuts & kept touching Nick, a lot of interaction he had w/ the crowd. More than I ever seen. Nick loved the energy. I hope to high heaven that somebody out there will have the bootleg and video. They must. After the show I walked up to Flea & said nothing, just popped my arm up in his face-haha- to show him my RHCP tatoo on my elbow, he laughed. I don't like their music much anymore, but a handful of songs. Their okay.We talked for a good while. His friend was really sweet (and cute) and was so dear to me. We had a nice relaxed talk like nothing. I said something that I shouldn't have said to another artist, I slipped and said "Man, I never rocked so hard at a show before". Whoops. I said goodbye to him and his friends. Off I went...

That dude Steve that sat by me in the box gave me his number and I left him some really long adrenaline-droned weird messages. Turns out I had been dialing the wrong number the intire night & the next morning. Some poor lady out there just got the weirdest phone messages she'll ever recieve. I scurried down the hill still reeling from that life changing show. I wanted to wait for Nick and I did w/ some really cool people. He was having the hugest after party I ever fucking saw!!! Their were paper lanterns hanging from the trees outside in the front of the venue. It was amazing. I have never seen a after party outside the venue like that before and not that huge either. My new "tori friend" that was working behind the scence, I met before the show (we got to talking when she saw me waiting for Nick before the show & said "I'd do this for one person only". I asked "who's that?" knowing damn' well she'll say Tori. I swear I knew she would! She did! Then she asked me if I knew who Tori Amos was, um yeah... - So the story goes. blah blah blah blah blah). Anyhow she took my little note I wrote Nick from my hand as we walked down the hill towards the after party. I told her "try real hard to get that to him". She said she'd try. Poor Sheila driving somewhere in circles, kept calling & texting me- "where are you?" She had to wake up early I understand, but this shit only happens every 6 yrs. w/ Nick & the Seeds. I was kinda pissed off, but whatever. Shelia finally pulls up and I get in, we drive past the after party & I wanted to stay so bad!!! I guess it just wasn't meant to be that way?? Even tho. I was sad, I had this strange feeling that I would see him again, it just had to be. I told Sheila everything, talking so fast she said she couldn't keep up. Then I get a call from a number I didn't know- It was that girl confirming that she just handed him the note & told him it was from me & that I really wanted him to have it. She said he looked at it & put it in his pocket. Yah, that made me happy. Shelia wanted to look for somewhere to eat, it was pass midnight, she got lost from the venue to her house? We seemed to drive around for hours. I was so tired by now & all her giggling was working my nerves. All I could think about as I looked at the night lights glowing were Nick throwing his lyrics & notes around & into the audience like a mad conductor and touching everybodies hands over & over again. Thought about the guitar pick I got, hearing his beautiful deep molasses voice and how I knew from now on his tambourine & voice would haunt me and be all up in my subconscious as I lay asleep at night. Damn' him! Anyhow, we finally got to her home. Nice condo, nice lap top. We talked while she pigged out on hidden staches of goodies. She went to bed & I got on the lap top for a few before crawling in bed w/ her. That bed is the bomb by the way! Hope that woman changed her sheets! I hardly slept a wink. No new news. I remember waking up sad & putting the same clothes on, her dropping me off @ the train station & headed on my long journey home. Quiet introspection. I held it together, on the subway, looking at ordinary faces that had no idea what I just went thru, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was written all over my face?

I planned to go home & take a shower & change, but I had no time, straight to work I went w/ the story still all over my body. Spent the night there, got up @ 7:30am, left @ 11:30, back home to deal w/ me. So, I don't remember but I was busy all day & night Friday *but somewhere between these busy days I found time to write one little line on the Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds fan page on Myspace- "Is anybody going to san fran? i need a ride.... thinking about going..." . That's it, that's all, for the hell of it, not knowing if anybody would even answer? I had to work @ 4:30pm- 12:20am, but I was all hyped wanting to do more shows. This bad seed was on a adrenaline rush! I was almost running late for work and was supossed to do The California Coastal Clean-up that morning, but couldn't, due to lack of sleep, headache and not having the time, which really upset me because I look foward to this day. But I couldn't do it unless I cloned myself & I didn't even have time for that! I said to myself, "I should at least check myspace real quick before work." I was near a local library & went in for 20 mintues and was so happy to see that somebody did reply! YES! Magdalena. She left me her number & I wrote her back w/ mine. I was out the door, into the street in the middle of traffic when she called me. Damn' that was quick. She beat me to it, I was going to call her when I got somewhere quiet. We tried to talk, but both of us were lunatics-haha, trying to figure out what shows we were going to, both of us on our way to work we really needed to talk more. I told her I'd call when I got off work. I had to make a million calls and low and behold my phone battery runs out! Anyhow, I made my famous PRO and CON list on a piece of paper, why I should and shouldn't go to these shows. I had nothing to wear but oh well. So here I am @ work watching the clock, going completely berserk. Dying to call Magdalena but my phone was dead. The clock was laughing in my face as I made my to do lists. Magda wanted to do the Denver show, but I talked her into Oregon and the 2 Seattle shows. 3 are better than 1, plus-these 2 magical cities missed me & wanted my presence again. Only if I would have checked my Myspace a day or 2 sooner we could have made S.F., but then I'd never have Seattle. And Seattle was perfect! I bet after 2 shows in S.F Magda might have wanted to come home-now that I think about it, I'm so glad we didn't make those 2 shows(if she wanted to continue on & do more shows, well then I'm fucked!). Plus, I wouldn't have got to see my little sis Lisa in Seattle & have the Rain. I can't quite remember much around these days, they were spinning beneath me.

So-Magda got a rental car after work and she was to drive from San Deigo to my place & stay the night & get up @ 6am or 5 to leave. Oh my god, by now, I can't remember when we left? I think we left Monday morning. I know that it was @ 2:30 in the morning! I had already taken my sleeping pills so I was out of it. Magda was supossed to be there @ 11:00pm, but showed up @ 1am! I was too nervous/hyper to sleep and so was she. I heard her moving around, so I said "you can't sleep"? She said "no, can I come in & talk to you"? She came in sat on the floor and started freaking out, almost crying & kept saying she couldn't do the trip. I thought 'here we go'. She said I was a nice girl & everything, but her life was a mess & she didn't think she could do the trip!??? Huh? I started to panic on the inside, but remained calm. She laid $300 in front of me & said "here's money for the trip, I can't". My motherly Virgo reasoning w/ her for 1/2 hour changed her mind. She said "ok, but we have to leave right now if were gonna go." OH SHIT! I thought she was crazy! I thought no more myspacing strangers for travel. Haha. I couldn't sleep anyhow, and so it was a good idea. I was so out of it, trying to fight my sleeping pills and she had me packing my shit quickly before she changed her mind. Haha. Man, I was so pissed at first, but later on I was glad we did leave when we did. I forgot a few things @ home in the rush. Like a flower for my hair and Cd's!. Luckily I had packed my suitcase a head of time, it was just the last minute things.

So- Off we went, we got on the 101 thinking that somtime somewhere soon we could merge onto the 5. My god, that didn't happen for hours. I think we may have wasted 1 1/2- hours that way. We drove as far as we could & stopped @ a Hotel 6 somewhere in a strange little town. I think it was like 8am. I set my alarm clock for 12 noon (I can see it's still set for that now-haha). We hit the road again @ 12:00, trying hard this whole intire time to make it to the Oregon show (Nick's B-day show). I have to tell you the truth, I was having mixed emotions. I was and still am thankful & elated that Magda wanted to just go for it & do this trip & if it wasn't for her Seattle probably wouldn't have happened. On the other hand she was driving me nuts! I'm not use to stopping @ every other rest stop. She stopped so many times to smoke, get coffee, eat. I could care less about this kind of stuff when I'm trying to get somewhere. Exp. someone's b-day show you know. If you're taking a calm little vacation it's a different story. I was having total anxiety attacks inside, like hurry up let's fucking go already! I was all pissed, I felt like she was being a total diva. I've never seen someone smoke so much. and she wanted to sit at these coffee houses & sip her coffee like there was no tomorrow. but I was waiting for her in the car like- hint hint. I didn't bother saying anything because we were never going to make it at this pace anyhow. She's just not a "traveler". Those things called sleep and food are silly. Magda said to me "wow, you just keep on going like the energizer bunny". I was more than happy to take over and drive.

What fun I had, she slept in the backseat & I turned on the radio & drove the open road. I think we drove 15 hours straight from where we were, I think Cattleman-some weird little city. From not even the middle of Ca., all the way up to Portland Oregon. Felt so good to cross the state line, into Medford. Oregon has the best stars, I laid in the back of our rental car & stared & studied them. They were twinkling at me & so was the big dipper. I'm a star gazer. The celestial kind. I kept looking @ the clock. There was no way we were going to make it there to the show by 9:00 or 9:30! I wish Magda would have been @ my house @ 11:00pm like we planned instead of 1am and that we didn't waste another hour talking about it. Or stopping so much. We tried our best. We didn't get to my friend Dai's house until 3am! We were beat! We were exhausted! The air there was so nice, cold & brisk, but fresh thanks to all the thousands of trees. When we pulled up there was Dai in his precious PJ's., it was so nice to see his face again. Even tho. I seen it during tori tour about 9 months ago. He's so cute, he left messages on my phone saying that he was going to bake a pie for us. :O) He ended up buying one-he had no time. I missed his cute apartment and kitty. He slept on the couch & was nice enough to let me and Magda sleep in his big soft compfy bed. He had informed me that he had to leave the house by 10:30am to be to work by 11:00. Which at first I thought oh hell, but glad actually because I wanted to get to the venue early enough to see Nick e poo. Magda of course hated it. Told him to wake me up @ 10:00, I'll get ready in a half hour. So, get this, I was a fucking zombie when we came in, but I couldn't sleep when I laid down, I laid there for like 2 hours! I went to bed @ around 5am! Got up about 4 or 5 hours later. Felt, hey-the piano trail, oh wait, I'm in the wrong band. Haha. So, had a small sliver of his boston cream pie & some strong ass coffee. I checked to see if he still had his collection of The Cosby Show videos! Yep! Check. Haha. Dai drew us directions that almost could pass as art. He mentioned some breakfast place called Cup & Saucer. Knew that would be trouble. Recharged my phone & camera batteries overnight...ahhh what memeories. Dai showed me his Comic book tatoo book, man you can get your arms in shape w/ that shit! Use it as weights! (some other guy showed me his book too when it first came out, who the hell was that?). Dai showed me some lovely photos he took from somewhere, poor dai everything was a blur to me, I'm sure you understand. He walked us to the car & w/ a huggle and a wave to him & his new beard we were on our way straight to Seattle. SO I thought. This is where we were really getting on each others nerves. Thought we were on our way to the I5 when she wanted to stop at that breakfast place. She wanted to sit & eat, but I didn't want to. We got out of the car, went in & kinda bickered back and fourth, then left. We got back into the car & she said we'd stop somewhere fast on the way. I knew from Portland to Seattle would be 2 1/2-3 hours. I was worried it would take longer w/ all the stops. We did end up stopping at this strange Ma & Pa place on the side of the freeway. I'm laughing now just thinking about it. It was one of those places where old people stare @ you while you eat your breakfast sandwitch and Dr. Pepper. No smiles, just straight stares like they were ready to draw there pistols on you at any given time, any wrong move. Nice town, friendly people-y'all come back now ya hear. We left for the road again, but within that short time she wanted to stop again and get coffee & a smoke! Can't remember how many times we stopped but this hardcore Nick Cave fan was having a fit! What the hell? I called Lisa ('cause she's so good w/ directions) after we left Dai's because I wanted to go straight to the venue, see what's up, then Lisa'a house. We didn't have tickets and I wanted to see who was around, it was GA. You know how it goes...

We finally get into Seattle-Sept. 23-
And it was later then I would have liked, but I had this calm warm feeling that everything would go down cool. We finally found The Showbox SoDo, we passed it twice because it was so small, or I should say the sign was really small. I changed my pants in the car while Magda went walking to find the venue, she called me on my cell and came back to the car, looking at me like I was completely nuts for changing in the car? What? I do this sort of thing all the time. The Showbox SoDo was The Magical Place! 2 nights. I saw 1 girl alone sitting slumpped over, sleeping in the GA line. At 4pm. Gotta Love her. We started talking. Yah, hurrah, My new Nick Cave friend. Yuka from Japan. (Thank you for the beautiful Frida Kahlo Christmas card by the way!! You're so thoughtful!)

This would be her 50th show. Finally making me some Nick Cave friends. I went around the corner & saw only 2 people standing there waiting for Nick. So weird-but fucking cool right!?! We started talking, Mike and his Mom. How sweet. Really nice people. I was all hopeful that Nick would pop up somewhere, so I was in a good mood. Magda comes around the corner & walks up to me. She can not believe we are going to "hang around" for 3 hours. Haha. LMAO. We have waited for waaay longer than this for tix and/or meetngreets for Tori and other shows, and hanging around a venue for 3 hours is a breeze! Thank god there was a bar across the street to keep her happy. She left to have a drink and I felt relieved. I stayed & walked around alone, scoping the scene, small venue, love it. I heard some soundchecking of some sort going on and testing of mics. I was in a good mood. Little time went by, not much-few minutes-I walk back up to the corner where Mike & his Mom were.
I was lucky it was such a beautiful day in Seattle, perfect weather, not too hot, not too cold. I felt relaxed, there were no peeps around except for those two and there was a white blazer parked right there w/ great tinted windows that I was using for a mirror 'cause my hair kept blowing up. Haha. I was preoccupied as usual and didn't catch Nick's car driving up the street, but heard Mike say really low "there he is". I looked up & a white car pulled up, a girl driving. Nick got out of the back seat, looking like my husband, I mean, he looked so very fucking hot and dapper and dressed to impress as always, and that he did. I love the way this band dresses! I like to see people dress up and not look like sloppy slobs. He's so tall and lean and with his Raven black hair framing his handsome lovely face. His presence is so demanding. Like "look at me, I'm here, flock to me."
Thought it was cool we were colour-coordinated, like we called each other up and said "hey wear that black and blue, and Nick says- "oh don't forget that new bangle you bought at Pier 1 imports!". It was hot! We both had our sunglasses on and we matched! He looked the part of the Rock God. Me with my crazy neck and hand fetish I was in heaven! He has the kind I like! I was secretly going nuts, but what I really wanted to do was make out with his neck and hands, I know tacki right. Oh well. Nice long fingers, beautiful nail beds and the way his thumbs bent back. Ahhhh. Long lean smooth neck w/ an Adam's Apple that wouldn't quit! Oh fuck. He smelt great. Why can't all guys smell this way? Nick, poor baby seemed hung-over from his birthday the night before.

He was so sweet. He had some really nice jewelry on, I love his rings, I should have ganked one off and pawned it to do the rest of the shows. Just kidding. :O) His superb Australian accent was brilliantly hot! Mike and his mama were talking to Nick in Portuguese. Nick use to live in Brazil for some time. They got all their things signed. I told Nick that he rocked The Hollywood Bowl. Nick was so cute, he had a guy from his crew take our photo. He said "be a dear take this photo would you?" and handed him my camera. He was probably tired from his b-day the night before. Everybody was most likely buying him drinks for his b-day. He was also probably wishing they didn't plan a show after his b-day. But I'm glad they did. He gave me a squeeze. It was awfully nice. He smelt so nice. I laugh now because I was wearing flip-flops! Haha, flip flops in Seattle while meeting Nick Cave, I'm so cool.

After Nicholas (don't call him that!) strolled in, or floated into the place Mike, his mom and I converged again, showed each other our goods. The piccy of me and Nick came out perfect and I love it! I knew I'd get to talk to him later so I didn't frett. I went back around to talk to Yuka again. She's so sweet. I walked across the street to the bar to show Magda our photo & to just sit back & relax. Cool outside bar w/ no windows, just bars. I went in plopped down right next to her & showed her the pictures. She was happy for me. She was having a beer (yuck) with a cold gross pizza that didn't really taste like pizza at all. There were peanuts which I love, but didn't have time to eat them. :o(

This bar, I really liked. Um, it had all these dogs, people brought their dogs & it was such a cool kickback Atmosphere. I thought I never wanna leave this city. I took piccys of z dogs & petted the babies. The great dane was amazing.

It being around 5:00 we just hung around. We walked to Office Max to get me my 4GB SD card. We walked back to the car & changed our shoes, it was getting cold out! I don't remember what we did after that, just hung around I guess. I was loving the weather & the venue. It had a really cool, ritzy bar attached to it that opened @ 4:30, nice dining tables, but you couldn't get in unless you had a ticket. We didn't, but I didn't mind. I talked to people here and there. This guy popped out of nowhere & was looking at me while he walked by on his cell phone. Maybe I had the look on my face like I needed one? I went up to him a little while after that & asked if he had any tickets. He looked like that cute little guy from HBO's Entourage. Anyway, he pulls out like 30 tickets! I'm like "yeah". Only face value-$50 even. So Magda and I and some other girl from some far away land grabbed 'em. Cool. I was going to get mine from some lady Mauren I met when she walked by, but her and her friends weren't going to be there until 8:30 or so but I didn't wanna wait. Magda and I walked into the bar and sat w/ Yuka and Beverly and her husband Steve. They were from San Francisco. They did a handful of shows already. Beverly told me that his B-day show in Oregon the night before was great & that everybody kept giving him gifts. How sweet, wish I was there. :o(

I had a lot of water, they had a lot of drinks, so we kept going to the bathroom. We sat at the tables chatting, then we started lining up by the glass door. Not knowing if they would let us do that or make us go sit back down? After a while a staff guy said we couldn't really stand there but we could sit or stand close by the tables. You know that went in one ear & out the other. We all only took like 2 small steps back. Haha. The 5 of us sat @ the closest table, then came up quick when they started opening the door. I really liked this Venue a lot. All the staff @ The SoDo were the coolest. I should write 'em up a review & give them 5 gold stars! Of course we knew right where to go-so off we went "speed walking" haha- as they yelled "no running"! As we got up to the front to stand to the right 'cause that's where Nick stands, This cool staff dude yelled jokeingly "no running in the cafeteria kids". I yelled back "Where's you fucking hall pass?" He said "Oh shit" and started cracking up. We were friends instantly. He was so cool throughout the whole show. We all had the sad dubious task of standing thru the opening act Earth , we all wanted to cry blood or take a nap. I think it was the worst opening band I ever saw. They did 5 LONG ass songs that sounded like one big long song. Everybody was cracking jokes or nodding off. Drone. The band members all had their eyes shut the intire time (good-so they couldn't see us snoozing!) The funny-ass ridiculous names they had for their songs were amusing. I told the guy next to me "let me start a band". He was all "yeah, right-and we could open for Nick Cave". I mean really. What an opening act to get you pumped up for Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Nick was probably back stage going wtf is this?

So, Nick and his boys came on late (it was a late show) @ 10:40. Seeds came out first as they always do, then Nick. Nick was all lovely and manic, pacing back and fourth like he always does. Like I always say their shows are like a theatrical play and life-changing and everything beautiful all in one. That's why they have been my #1 fav. band in the intire universe for as long as I can remember. Their just sonically brilliant! They did my old time favourites, including a song I have had a love affair with, a love and hate relationship with, that song is "Your funeral my trial" ... I died when they played this. I could list every song, saying this is my favourite, for they all are. I think Nick was a little tired from his B-day the day before, but The Seeds on any given day is way better than any other band's best. You dig? He is always on & full of energy, connects w/ the crowd, famous for his thrusts and sexy little Nick dances that drives the crowd (yes, including guys) to cheer him on, we want more! He not only plays my fav. instrument, the piano, he plays my 2nd fav. instrument, the tambourine! You can laugh if you want, but ever since I was a little girl I've loved the tambourine and I even did a mean Davey Jones imitation! Nick is the sexiest tambourine player EVER! I go kinda crazy and well lose it whenever he breaks out his tambourines! I love 'Moonland' and 'More News from Nowhere'...sigh... I handed Nick my little note (part 2 of the first one he got in LA) during 'More news from Nowhere'. He took it from my hand and read it on stage. He's so adorable, I can't stand it! I'm glad I have that little memory on video. The videos look really really good on my camera. Every time I watch them I feel like I'm back in that moment in Seattle. Great show. I liked the Venue, even tho. I saw some people complaining about it(the venue), I don't know why, I had a great time, maybe because I was up against the stage, in Nick's blizzard and I had tunnel vision, eyes up on stage and had no trouble with the staff. They were awesome! Great show, this is the only band I can truely say that I love every member. Their ALL so talented way beyond belief and All of them deserve props. Thank god they all have beautiful voices (lie down here and be my girl, etc.) Their better than good at what they do, they always have been. I love watching them grow. Their music is full of beauty, life lessons, passion and always well thought out. Nick is one of my very fav. poets/songwriters/philosophers of all time, and well one of my fav. human beings. :O) Their music and shows make me ache w/ despair. I wish I could travel and go everywhere and do every single show they ever do and it breaks my heart that I can't. It's quite depressing to say the least. Anyhow, I got the Set list, a drumstick, one of his towels, and most important- a symbol off his sexy tambourine that was stuck on the set list. I love this most and made it into a nacklace. Believe it or not, I get compliments on it. Then I have to tell the story of where I got it ;) and I don't mind reliving that either.

Night of the Lotus Eaters
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!
Today's Lesson
The Weeping Song
Your Funeral ... My Trial ***(my heart)
Midnight Man*** (ohhhhhh yeah, a fav.)
The Mercy Seat
Moonlight ***(first love off the latest album)
Get Ready for Love
We Call Upon the Author To Explain ***(kills me)
Papa Won't Leave You, Henry ***(my old time fav.)
More News From Nowhere ***(love/hate relationship w/ this song-hate it because I wish I wrote it!! or at least in it or something? lol)
Hard On for Love
The Lyre of Orpheus ***(my secret love/thanks nick for doing this one)
Stagger Lee (Tori's "Cornflake Girl", but even better!)

I've always loved how Nick & the boys dressed. Ok, maybe not some of those blouses Nick wore in the past-lol) but most the time, he drives any girl mad in those smart, dapper, sexy pinstriped suits of his. One of the reasons why I like them is for their attire. Warren Ellis ain't too shabby either. I love the way he rolls around the stage and has so much passion playing all his 300 and some odd instruments. I mean, come on, he plays a mean tin can & dirty cloth like nobody else.

I love the way he goes berserk during 'We call upon the author'. Conway is so dapper as well, so calm during shows, he cracks me up over there. I kid Conway when I say he's sleeping back there. Thank all the gods Nick is so prolific in his work like Tori. Huge body of work. All his songs are such gifts. I told him that too.

After the show, I went outside to see Magda. We looked for Yuka & Beverly to say goodbye. Went thru the crowd & they were across the street on the corner looking towards Nick's cars/bus. It was weird, you know, I usually want to wait after, I didn't mind, I just knew the next night would be the night, and boy was it! We said our goodbyes and off we went w/ the directions Lisa gave me. I ended up calling her to lead us the way to her little shindig. We get there pretty fast (15 min. from venue). After parking in the TOPS parking lot next to her apartments, we gather all our crap and a walkin' we went and there was my lovely Lisa just excitedly {Being in a state of excitement; emotionally aroused; stirred} waiting for my arrival w/ baited breath. I missed her apartments in Shorline so much. I walked in and memories clung to me like shroud.

Then came around the corner & there was Scott in his P.j.'s on his lap top as usual w/ Lisa's kitty Hazel in his lap. That damn' ass evil cat hissed at me like some sort of crazed animal from a Stephen King movie! How dare she! wtf? I felt like kicking that diva-ass bitch cat when Lisa wasn't looking. But I wouldn't do a thing like that. Or would I? I'm kidding. You know I'm the female Steve Irwin. :O) I think Lisa made me a bagel? and some Tea. Magda went straight to bed of course, Lisa and I talked for a bit. here I am the old bag & these youngsters, all they wanna do is sleep! They can't even keep up with me! Sheeeesh!

I told Lisa 'bout the shows & stuff. I was trying to talk her into coming to the show the next night. Lisa & Scott are such good hosts, like Dai. I always feel at home here. I had the privilege of crawling into bed with Lisa once again. She's so good in bed-never tossing or turning, never snores and sneaks out of bed ever so perfectly as to not to wake me. That's an act of kindness, that or she knows, hell everybody knows not to wake me. What an Angel she is. And she doesn't jugde my looks in the morning. She's Grand. We talked in bed and giggled about the silly stuff. We always have a good time. I love that girl. She's very brave to put up w/ the dealings of me. That and she is also blessed. :O) Yeah, I said it. Cursed and blessed at the same time. Bless her.

We were talking and I don't remember who fell asleep first, most likely her. I fell asleep listening to the soft, subtle Seattle rain. Lisa's bed & blankets are like puffy little clouds... off to dreamland.

The next Morning...Sept. 24-
I can't remember much except that when I woke up it was raining, the city was drenched in the wet stuff & that's all that mattered- that and I had a good feeling that everything would work out and be beautiful (and that it was). I woke up w/ only a handful of hours of sleep. I'm pretty sure that I went to bed @ 3am and woke up around 10, or 9? When I got up Lisa wasn't in bed. Already up as usual doing her hair. Anyhow, I don't sleep much while on these tours. The big wheel in my brain never shuts off. Poor Lisa has to be a witness to all this. Craziness (Ok- I just named 3 Tori songs in that sentence-she has brain washed & programmed me). Shit 'Programmable Soda'. Stop! I think I slept walked to the bathroom and flopped back in bed earlier in the morning, but I just laid there afterwards because once I'm awake I'm awake. Magda got up to go to the bathroom and I laid there pretending I was asleep because I was too tired to talk. She went back to sleep. I crawled out of bed & went to see where Lisa was. I had half a doughnut (poor lisa-note to lisa: you think you're doing raven a fantastic service by getting her crispy-cream doughnuts whenever she comes to town, but the fact is that I do not like doughnuts, sorry). The bagels and delicious Tea you always make me will do. I had 2 cups of tea and when Magda got up she went and got me my famous 3 shots of espresso. Scott got up and mozzied around the house. Lisa painted her fingertips the goldest colour. So, I was hurrying up at taking my time. I took my hour-shower as Scott made me my Dvd's. I put a chair in the bathroom & had Lisa help me do my hair as she always does. I love it when Lisa does my hair. I feel the sisterhood of the traveling hair. haha. I bitched all morning about not having a flower for my hair. I knew Lisa was hoping that I'd forget, but I didn't-I let it slide. I wanted to get there @ around 3:00. I think we were making good time. "When my love comes down to meet you again"- I knew I'd get to talk to sweet Nick again, I was sure of it. "I don't know what it is but there is something definitely going on upstairs". If you know what I mean? Has to be. Anywho, got nice and ready to go. I should mention that I did talk Lisa into going to the show and I was so happy! I Love introducing people into the Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds world. It's for the intellectual lot and if you don't get it, than I feel sorry for you, maybe next life time huh? Magda was already to go because all she does is take a shower, dries off and she's ready to go. We left w/ our Umbrellas smiling. All year they sit and wait to be used. Ok, maybe not so in Seattle. :O)

Off we went to The Showbox SoDo for our 2nd night of pure fucking bliss and a real good time.

SoDo's only 15 min. away, it took us forever, I guess Lisa has no need to come around the area, as she was lost. I guess the Gps on her iphone kinda saved us(or not!). It had us drive in the wrong direction! We drove up to the lovely little SoDo in the rain full of memeories from the night before. These SoDo bricks will be sorry to see Nick and the boys go because this was the best fucking show their ears have ever heard. As the band's shadows move across their walls, they knew this. They will weep...but the walls are not alone. I had them drop me off on the corner, as I flung the car door open & rushed to the bar's bathroom, it was all that tea back home you know. I smiled as I walked thru to the back, I enjoyed reading their bathroom walls, very amusing. I came out and saw Yuka across the street, infront again. I walked over to her. We walked around the corner to where the bus was and I was very pleased to see that Magda & Lisa got the best parking spot that could ever be. Right in front where they enter and leave. Perrrrrfect! I didn't know how much this would come in handy later on that night. We were waiting outside & it started pouring. We got back into the car and waited just to see if I'd see his sexy frame walk by. I thought maybe not 'cause of the rain. Yuka had an extra ticket, so Magda bought it from her & after a while they both went into the bar they had in the venue. Lisa and I had some good one on one time. We waited a bit until I said "let's go walk to Office Max so I can buy another 4GB SD card" and so Lisa could get her coffee. As soon as we walked around the corner and by the front door(no real box office, just one cool chic that had her face painted like Neil Gaiman's Death). I said "Hi". She said "Hey wait, do you have a ticket for tonight?" I said "No". She said "good I have one for you, my boss said he had 1 extra & I could release it". As I said "Allriggght man" I pulled my money out at warp-speed. She said "I'm glad it's going to you instead of someone else". Ahhh, how sweet. I kinda made friends w/ all them at the door the day before 'cause they were all so freggin' cool. Now all we had to worry about was getting little miss Lisa a tix. Lisa and I had a nice walk in the rain w/ her umbrella she treated like it was her child. wtf? She insisted she hold it whenever I twirled it! haha. Nothing better then a walk w/ Lisa in the Seattle rain. By the way, I am so glad I went ahead and bought another SD card & that I didn't listen to everybody that told me to just simply delete the show from the night before and reuse that one, as if that would be simple for me. The intire Atmosphere over there was so laid back. I love small venues, exp. in places like Oregon & Seattle. Everything's just different there. I'm lucky I live so close that I can go as often as I do, I'm like a p/t resident. When you stop at truck-stops and along the roadsides & you know the people there, you know it's crazy, but a good kind of crazy. So, back to the Seattle scene. I was delighted to see everything going so smooth. I mean my tix was practically handed to me on a silver platter. this time Lisa started having 2nd thoughts about going. Knowing the band wouldn't go on until 10:40ish and knowing that we would prolly wait and she had to be at her job-orientation the next morning. I wish she didn't have to go anywhere the next day. It was just bad timing. It was too bad because she would have experienced something she never had. I know she doesn't believe me, I could tell, but us Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds fans know better. :O) It's ok, I do well enough alone. I prefer it that way a lot of the time. I wish she would have tho. and... at least she knows how to take a fucking picture, not like the idiot that I gave my camera to, I mean dude, it's as easy as 1-2-3! So pissed off, one of my worst regrets. You have no idea! That story later. At this point Lisa said she should just hop on the bus and go home. I was like "No, no, no", but I understood. Some people need to sleep I guess? We were both so fucking hungry. There was nothing around the venue to eat for miles! After I got my SD card we walked around looking for something. She said she was buying, so naturally I started looking for the most exspensive place. I kid you! Awwwe, I think she felt bad for not going to the show. She knew how excited I was for her to go. We passed some diner on the way to Office Max. So we marched in there, it was so weird w/ only 1 weird hairy man sitting there staring at us. I turned around to Lisa and told her "I think this place is abandon, let's go". She pointed to the left side of me and said "I think it's in the back". We go and sit down and it's half bar, half meat place or something? We got our drinks & menus & after looking over the menu we looked @ each other & already knew we were leaving. I'm not like this full-on vegetarian, but I don't eat like a lot of meat-well, none like the kind they offered. And I don't think Lisa does either. The menu read like this: ribs (yuck), pulled pork (make me throw up), and Brisket (run for the hills!). I felt kinda bad, we just got up, left our drinks and that look on the waitress' face behind. We walked everywhere! There was some stupid baseball game taking place, so the area was packed w/ all these crazies. We walked to this bar thingy and I asked Lisa why were all the people standing outside in clusters like a school yard, drinking their beers & eatin' their peanuts. It was strange, I guess it was an outside bar w/ no chairs, everybody just stands up, they don't care because their drunk! We went inside and the wait was too long, it was packed! We walked around some more-nothing. I'm so hungry by this point. I told Lisa I could order from the bar back in the venue & then come out w/ the food. haha. She couldn't go in because she didn't have a tix. I was desperate & decided on eating @ this vending truck or whatever they call those things. Mexican food, my fav. She gave me a look like she wasn't touching the shit. Understandable. But I'm not sitting thru a concert, all day, all night until 2am w/ no food in my tummers. So, back we went, pass the veune to the little truck. I ordered soft tacos & beans, rice. An old-fashioned coke bottle and Lisa paid. We stood there, standing while I ate, standing in the wetness and cold . It was almost laughable. I think it is. I am such a trooper. Lisa ran across the street to the bar to pee, comes back & I take one of my tiny tacos hostage by putting it in my purse for during or after the show. Yeah, right. There's no time to eat during a Nick Cave show. All I'm stuck with is my sweet saliva. I could just see the look on Nick's face as I bite into my taco from the front row during 'Mercy Seat' or something. He'd be thinkin' that's one crazy bitch! Priceless. I can just see it now, Nick kicking it out of my hand w/ one of those famous kicks of his and it goes flying. Haha. I was thinking of playing a trick on Nick. I'd put ketchup in my hand and when he kicks up at the end of the stage I'd put my hand to my face & nose, looking up at him, giving him the look like "you just broke my nose!" He'd have to stop the show and tend to my every need. I wouldn't really do it, he'd get pissed. But, if it did really happen I know he'd stop, he's such a sweet guy. I don't know how so much beauty can live inside one man. Anywho, that would have been funny. Back to the taco truck, So I go to throw away my plate & Lisa hits me on the arm & says "look, turn around". LMFAO, it's a little dining area w/ tables & chairs under a tarp roof! OMG! We couldn't do anything but laugh. I said "it figures". So, by this time I was sorta rushing. Lisa says she's taking the bus home, we hugged & she turned and walked away. I went the opposite direction, looking back to see if I can still see her as she got further away. Plus, I'm always worried about her. I go up to the doors, the girl hands me my tix and after a million thank-yous I walk in the bar, all eyes on me, the great mother fucker Stagger Lee. Just kidding. :O) So I walk in, find Yuka, Magda and Beverly. We sit & chat, but I'm not @ all talkative all of a sudden. Like I was the night before. I grown queit & still amongst all the boozers. Just remained in my little world. I looked around and took everything & everyone in. I don't know what it was, but I felt such clairity that moment. Everybody was all talking up a storm all around me in this dim lit room and I was quiet inside and out. I didn't wanna talk to anybody. I wanted to be socially-retarded for just a few. So that I was. Few people started lining up. So beverly & the girls got up & did our same routine as the night before. We weren't having it. Yuka from Japan, Beverly from San Fran, and us from L.A. I was first in line, leaning up against the glass doors, looking out @ the people looking @ me. I couldn't stop yawning. Total yawn fest. I just remained queit & unapproachable on purpose. I was in my head & I wasn't coming out. This is when I noticed that my light blue ring I wear on my thumb was no longer there! I looked all around me & in my purse in a panic. It was gone! I was so upset. I think I lost it @ that taco truck, in their trash can! I remember wiping my hands several times w/ their cheap ass little napkins and in a rush it went in the trash. That ring was very sentimental to me. I'll be like fucking Frodo with that ring. Seriously. That's when I remembered that Seattle is a Vortex for rings. I remember back during Scarlet's Walk tour I lost another fav. ring of mine and I haven't forgotten. :o( They finally opened the doors & we all scurried like cockroaches or something more beautiful like birds flocking to their king blackbird, but this blackbird wears pinstriped suits and has a voice that can make your body ache. Up against the stage we were again. All four of us girls in the same exact places we were the night beofre. Perfect. Nick prolly thought wtf? How'd they do that? So, we stood all excited, knowing that this show would be better than the night before because they got sleep & no B-day hangovers. I had a feeling that something special would happen this night, little did I know how special. We all had that same dubious task of watching the opening act. It was like chinese torture. One long boring ass song. Blood was coming from my ears and sockets once again. I was drove nuts. By the time that shit was over we all had grey hair.

The band comes on, Nick follows in all his lengthy glory and fine attire. I was thinkin' "licorice man, I'll sum you up". They started w/ one of the best songs ever, one of my fav. songs off their latest album. I mean no words can describe how much I love this song. "Hold on to yourself". I was delighted to bits! Dig, Lazarus, dig! was a great performance, he stopped to pose, hands in the air during the part where he says "camera's snapped". The way he plays guitar during "Tupelo" gives me a hard on! I can just imagine dirty things in my head which I won't indulge here. Warren Ellis is amazing too as we all know, I mean is there an insturment that this guy can't play? I've always loved "Red right hand", and this was a very sexy version and Nick even puts on a Top Hat during the line "On a gathering storm comes a tall handsome man In a dusty black coat with a red right hand", it was pretty damn' hot and I got that porn on video! Great showmanship during this song, a lot of interaction w/ the audience. "He's a Guru"- there was a lot of Chippendale action going on in my face, I wish I had some dollar bills to put down his pants. I'm glad they did "Midnight Man" (another fav. love the guitar & lyrics) it's clear to see the band really enjoys doing this song. Next Nick sits down at the keys to do one of my fav songs-track 4 off of the best written album ever made, No More Shall We Part. Such a beautiful song pouring out of such a beautiful man is almost enough to bring you to tears. He remains seated for "God is in the House", which I have an intire history with. This use to be the only song I'd skip on 'No More Shall We Part', for personal reasons. How stupid of me. I really wished I would have got this on video. No More Shall I Skip Over It. LoL. "Love letter" and "God is in the House" were really pretty treats. So was "Lovely Creature". You already know how I feel about "Moonland". Ahhhh, that song! This is the song I wrote in a past life & Nick stole it in this one! I'll let it slide only because it's him! I love watching this performed Live & if they came out & did this one song 25 x's, that'd be fine by me. And all old time nick cave fans know this oldie but goodie-"Deanna". He really got off on this song this time. Totally feeding off the crowd. I love Warren going off on the violin, it is a sight to catch before you die! Seriously. I'm glad I was blessed by being in front both nights, there's nothing like it on earth. "Hard on for Love"-the band loves playing this one too. Some members (Mick, etc.) get up & trade places on the insturments. Nick laughed a lot during this song, which you can see on my video if you watch closely. :O) They had fun w/ this one. The next song "We Call Upon the author to explain" is another fav. off the latest album. Wow! and to see this in person! This is the song I saw @ The Hollywood Bowl that made me want to do more shows, and "Moonland". I was like an obsessed freak at this point. "Papa won't leave you Henry" is my song to rock out to. I fucking love this song and can't keep still, I'm like "fuck recording, I'm dancing to this one!" Just a good god damn' rock song. Well, I'm happy to say I have great video that is 10 minutes and 16 seconds long that lame ass YouTube won't upload- of "Call Upon the author" that leads into "Papa won't leave you Henry" where Nick wants the crowd to sing and then he forgets his lyrics and flips off the sound guy and all this good stuff. I always find a way. :O) Click me to watch!

The next song is a fav. of everybody, this song being "The Ship Song". Nick then asks us what we wanted to hear, knowing damn' well somebody always yells "ship song"-and they did, and Nick said "Ok we'll play it". This is the sort of song where people would lift up their drinks or lighters(haha) and all sing along. Always happens. I remember when I first heard this song. I was in a truck on a roadtrip and just driving around my old hometown. This song is sentimental to me and brings me back to the old Nick Cave days. "Lyre of Orpheus" is next and what a visual song, I adore this song and it cracks me up as well. Nick asked us to sing along to the "ooohhh mama" part, so we all did. Before this song, some guy was handing Nick a Cd to sign and Nick said jokingly "I'm not going to fucking sign your Cd, you're at a fucking concert man". He came back and took it from his hands & signed it, handed it back to him. You can hear me on video saying "Alright Nick". Hee hee. "Lyre of Orpheus" is a pretty damn' long song, glad it is because those lyrics are fucking genius. How does he come up w/ this shit? "Get ready for Love" another great song off the same album. They ended the show w/ "Stagger Lee" of course...He ended w/ saying "Thank You Seattle, you fine people, goodnight." Pointing at us, looking around at his band, waited for Warren to pass him, then put his arm on Warren's shoulder and off they went so eloquently, leaving the audience with wanting more & the hardcore fans that had to go home- Sullen...

Hold on to Yourself
Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
Red Right Hand
Midnight Man
Love Letter
God is in the House
Lovely Creature
Mercy Seat
Hard On For Love
We Call Upon the Author (this has got to be the only song ever written using the word “myxomatoid.”)
Papa Don’t Leave You Henry
The Ship Song
The Lyre of Orpheus
Get Ready for Love
Stagger Lee (Screeching guitars and keyboards at eardrum-shattering volume. A perfect way to end the show.)

We were quiet, the 4 of us girls. I got the set list that Nick walked all over and took a chunk out w/ those fancy shoes of his. They handed me another drum stick. What a little collection I have.

I'm a very lucky girl to be handed set list from both nights. I'm looking at the set lists now and I am indeed greatly thankful. Thanks Nick for coming around here w/ all your little songs, for they are all gifts. And Thank you for getting all Supernatural on me, Supernaturally. There is now a war between the stuff inside me. These stupid things called emotions. All crazy, kind, stupid and all together lovely. And it's been strange days filled w/ pros and cons ever since. But...everything prepares for the Love bomb that will be. When I turned around everybody was gone, cleared out of the place except for the few stragglers. It was weird. I walked by the merch table real quick, looking around for magda, but should have known she raced outside to smoke. She came up to me & as we were walking away that cool security staff dude was behind me. I turned around and told him "Thank You". He got a huge smile on his face and pointed at me and said "No Thank You" and winked. He was a cutie too. Cute guy. When I walked out the front door I told the front door guy that I been talkin' to the last 2 days that it was nice meeting him. He said "You too". He was a hot little thing too. All the girlies were talkin' about him. :O) It must be a requirement to work there or something. ; ) . This has to go down as one of my fav. venues besides The Hollywood Bowl and The Riverside Church in New York (there's nothing better than sitting on a pew watching Tori sing about "getting off while their all singing prayers" with her baptist minister father in the audience squirming!!!) ...

I'm so glad I went to Seattle. I had a real good time. The time of my life! Nick is so charming and he made it special. I planned on going to like 8 or more shows back when the dates first came out, like I said before. This was a last minute thing after all. I ended up going anyways, no matter what. Thank you so much Magda! It was all magical how it all went down. It was meant to be for me to go. To be there. I believe that.

We went outside, somehow I don't remember anything from the time walking out the front door to going around the corner in the rain to wait for Nick. I think I just floated over there. There were some people already waiting there, not too many at all actually. Just the way I like it. Maybe 10-12? All in little clusters talking if I remember correctly. Magda and I already said goodbye to Yuka & Beverly on the corner. I waited away from people, walking around, for like 10 minutes before I saw the rental car and thought "fuck ya". I was the only smart fucker out there. I sat there in the backseat watching thru raindrops on the windows at all the idiots standing in the rain. Thinking ok-I'm hungry and then I remembered that soft fucking taco I put in my purse. Got it out, took a bite and the shit was cold & gross-but these were desperate times. I was having this kind of calm anxiety storm brewing in me. It was hard to explain. I was alone w/ myself again. I was saying "how could that fucking happen?"-mad at something that happened during the show. I was just having this talk w/ myself. Thinking it figures, I'm cursed. Just being harsh & hasty. Pissed off & hard on myself. Thought I'd take a picture to document the moment.

I was pacing back & fourth there in the backseat without even moving. Sat there taking bites of my cold ass soft taco, talkin' to myself like some god damn' crazy person. I watched the raindrops collect on the car window. Someone, something upstairs must have heard me loud and clear, caught my drift because what was just about to happen would be so completely beautiful and quickly erase any doubt or stupid things in my head. Close to a "sorta fairytale" or sorded fairytale. Little bit of both. I looked over at the crowd and the doors every now and then so I wouldn't miss anything. Magda called me on the phone even tho I was looking right at her. She asked if I was coming, the car is here. I thought his car was always there or I was so into my little world that I never noticed it pull up. Strange. Anyhow, I get out and talk to no one. I know I'm a weirdo. A loner by choice. It started raining, so I got under some dude's umbrella, where like 5 of us were standing, huddled. Small talk you know. blah blah blah...and gagging on cigarette smoke. This jerk kept talking about himself the whole time. How he was such an "artist" & something about getting on his "bad or good list." Whatever, you don't wanna get on my bad side and that he did. I don't know, Magda said she had a really nice long talk w/ him before the show, but the guy was kinda getting on my nerves. So we got to talkin' & and I don't know how it came up but he mentioned getting his Cd signed during the show & I said "that was you, 'cause I have that on video." He was so happy about that and was all excited. I was happy for him. That was his little Nick Cave moment you know that he could have forever. Even know the dude got on my last nerve that doesn't mean I couldn't be happy for his moment because I know how it feels. You know- I always happen to catch other people's moments, either on video or in piccy. I have no clue as to why I handed over my camera to him. What the hell was I thinking? I didn't think about it then, but I should have never gave my camera to somebody that was super excited stoked to talk to Nick when he came out because I knew he wouldn't care about taking a photo, like I do for people. I gotta remember not all people are like me. That's when I should have listened to my gut. And that's when I wished my Lisa girl came, she would have got it right the first time! I was even thinking about getting it on video, and I wished I would have just pushed the button and handed it over to him or whomever, I never done that before, that would have been perfect. I mean, how was I to know that what was about to happen, it would be one of the loveliest moments of my life? So he was talking under the umbrella in the rain and after a while his mouth was just moving but nothing was coming out. I stood there freezing w/ my hands in my pocket staring @ his mouth, but really it was behind him, into the yonder, the night air I was looking at. Everybody was in their little clusters talking, nothing at all like "The Tori Crush" and I tell you it was a nice change. It was funny how calm I was. Waiting for that tall drink of water to come out from whatever space was lucky enough to have him fill. You fill your space so sweet, yes, for sure. Not sure if he was having a little "after party" or what, can't remember if people came out or not? Fuck them anyhow. The real important people were waiting outside in the fucking rain. Don't make me get all 'O'Malley's Bar' on your asses now. I remember his crew being so sweet and kick back and cool. They came out & started putting the insturments away in a small truck they pulled up. They were prolly thankful that nick didn't take along his piano this time out. I'll settle for the keyboards, but there's only one piano boy I love. They were messing around and there was this one cool bald dude, he started acting like a mad man & he must have thought I was recording him because he put on quite a show. Nick Cave has the coolest, cutest little things I ever seen. There was this one that was my fav. - oh crap I forgot his name by now. He was a little english hottie(hobbit) and all I ever had to do was put on my pout and he'd hand me over a drum stick or whatever. Nice. I remember him standing on the edge of the stage after the last show holding a drumstick, I was walking away and I saw him and went over there and he said "what's up?" I just pouted, no words exchanged. He handed it over and I blew him a kiss. Anyhow, great Atmosphere, good peeps. I'd love to travel w/ these dudes. I've never seen a band treat their people w/ such respect and warmth. Unselfishness...and so down to earth you begin to wonder if you're not infact talking to a trashman or postman. Haha. Wouldn't that be the bomb? To see Nick and the boys deliver your mail in shorts & those knee high socks! fuck ya! I can see it now- I'm doing the dishes and out my kitchen window I see Nick walking up in those socks, knock on door, but I'm already outside waiting to invite him in for a spot of me, I mean Tea. "Yes, Ms. Rogers I have a package for you". You sure do!-*sighs*-ok back to that boring thing called reality. Same thing as any other waiting game, when they are coming out -a quiet calm, yet all giddy, a bit nervous maybe for us all. You hear little whispers " he's coming". Here he comes, out from the dark, floating out so majesticly, him in front and his band behind him, it was so beautiful. Ahhhhhhh, looking so beautiful, tall, dark and handsome. Your funeral my trial baby. He came out in his slowly fading forms.

He came out w/ his signature walk, he should have trademarked. Shit is as smooth as suede! And you know, kinda bad-ass. ; ) Everything moved slow. I forgot to mention these 2 obnoxious drunks (a couple) came from the bar across the street & just stumbled over to the far left @ the last few mintutes when we were waiting out there all along. Nick saw me & was headed straight towards me, coming to me, until those 2 drunks kept calling him over (I didn't mind 'cause there wasn't that many people there anyhow amd I don't wanna rush). They handed him a leather bag (man purse) that they made him I guess. It said 'Red Right Hand' on it. That was cool. I watched him move about. He's so lean and tall, he sometimes reminds me of a sexy creature from 'Nightmare before Christmas'. I've always loved the dapper way he dresses, pinstripes suits, cuffs and collars, pitch black hair that gets the privilege of resting on the back off his pale white, heavenly neck. He took of his sunglasses so we could see his baby blues. He came back to me, he stood before me just looking all around me, at me and thru me. It was cute and sexy. Fuck any move this guy makes, just fucking kill me now why don't you? Moving his head in circles. I can still see it now. This man is just too adorable, he really is. Like everything he does is freggin' brilliant. It makes me sick. I'd probably give him a standing ovation after he took a shit, made a sandwitch or yawned. He put his hands on mine and stood there staring at me, waiting for me to talk. We seemed all of a sudden like the only ones there. I wish. Everything else was just shadow. Cold and dark, w/ the soft light glowing from the building. I see it in my head, it's just too difficult to put in words really, you just had to be there yourself. The way he looked at me! Oh My God, I almost evaporated into a pile of dust at his feet. His strong presence. He's so charming that fucker. So, we start having a convo. and that guy george I told you started talking to him, asking him what some lyrics meant & while Nick was answering him he was looking at me the whole intire time. I remember taking one of my very fav. photos of nick when Goerge was talking to him and Nick was just looking at me, right in front of my face. I snapped a cute piccy, he looks just like a lost little puppy. ahhhhhh, I love this photo.
George is tall & was behind me, just a bit off to the left. I felt kinda bad because Nick wasn't giving him much eye-contact. His mouth was moving, but he was looking at moi'. And he was looking at my necklace and he put his index finger on my pendant and moved his finger around in little circles...And said in a beautiful breathtaking way "That's a beautiful pendant, wow." He gazed at it some more. I said "Thank you". He just kept looking while George rattled on. Then he looked me dead in the eye. And he knew how kind I was being by letting everybody talk to him first and having their turn. He looked at me w/ this gentle kind of look on his face and I'll never forget it. And I said to him "Nick, I have to go back to L.A. now and I'm gonna miss you, I then brought out my bottom lip & pouted. I will never forget his response! He surprised me. *He gently & ever so lovely put both his precious hands on my face so soft. On my cheeks and came in for a kiss. His lips were so warm & soft, warm tongue. So tender. It was hot-sweet-and lovely.* God, how did he learn to kiss like that? That was the best kiss I had ever had, in my life. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing? I mean, is this what I been missing all this time? I don't know if that's pathetic that I been missing that or I should just be blessed that as a girl that's how you dreamed of being kissed. That kiss was better than all my past boyfriends put together. Seriously. and sorry to my ex's who are reading this! ;(

He sure is something. After he kissed me he was waiting for a response, looking right at me. I said to him "I haven't been kissed like that in 13 years." He just gave me a smile. He just smiled at me sweetly. It was funny because I remember the look on his face, just standing there while other people were wanting to talk to him. Him just looking at my face to see what my reaction would be. The way he placed his hands on my face to kiss me was perfect, since I have a hand fetish. Then the love fest. haha. I was having George take our picture and me & Nick were squeezing each other & hugging each other and I started making out with his neck, silly neck fetish of mine. The Neck and hands, ahhhhhhhhhhh. I was kissing his neck and soft like rose petal cheek. His skin is so terribly soft. I wonder what his skin regimen is? I'm going to ask him the next time I see him. I think he'll appreciate that. He told me I smelt good and sniffed me. We were just having our little moment. Nick went "eeemmmmmmmmm" and "ooooooohhh" as I molested his neck. That's when he said "you smell good." And I don't know what happened but we were just there holding on to each other, swaying back & fourth.I got on my tippy toes and kissed his soft white cheek again and he said "Oh man", and he held on tight with one arm and the other, well, this was really sweet. He put is hand on his heart and started thumping it, you know like the pounding of his heart. There's nothing like Nick Cave moaning in your ear. It was a fucking moment. I'm tellin' you. And that would have made for a great picture. Me and Nick were looking at the camera and Nick was moaning and putting his hand on his heart and George was supossed to snap the piccy!!! I couldn't even believe my fucking luck! I'm cursed. Here that would have been my fav. photograph of all time and the guy can't get it right!? wtf? I was so pissed off. He just simply didn't hold long enough for the photo to take! Nick said "Wow. I'll come out here and take pictures if I get to kiss the girls" in his sexy Aussy accent. I was really embarrassed to ask Nick for another try, but I did. He didn't seem to mind. I said "We have to reenact it". haha. There we were again, kissing and holding each other. And yet AGAIN, he didn't take the photo! I couldn't believe it, why does this shit happen to me? Nick was talking to some body else after I went to take the camera from George's hands to see how it came out. When I saw nothing was there, George kept saying "I don't work with digital, I don't work with digital". Wtf? It doesn't take much to press a button, come the fuck on. I thought I'd give it one last try after he talked to everyone. I almost forgot to mention the best part of this. After Nick planted that saucy kiss on me all the other girls yelled out "Where's my kiss?" And as these girls asked for a kiss, nick pointed to his cheek! I thought in my head "right on Nick, fucking awesome." It made it even more special to me. He didn't want a big kiss fest out there. You can tell by the look on his face that he felt forced to kiss those 2 drunk freaks. That couple asked him "can we kiss you at the same time?" Nick thought it was sorta weird and he pointed to his cheeks. He and Magda had made monkey lips at each other, it was so strange, but funny. I was laughing. I was thinking wtf? but it was sweet, like as in they both kinda didn't know what to do, Magda is really shy and I thought it was cute. They looked like a bunch of orungutans. George tried to take their piccy & it didn't come out, so I grabbed my camera & took it myself. All these other cameras going off Nick is looking dead at mine & Magda is looking away. I know what he's thinking in this picture. Good picture nonetheless. My kiss was just so lovely and just what the doctor ordered. Pure bliss. My heart tumbled like the stock exchange. Anyhow, so after he got done w/ the peole that were there, thanx to george I had the embarrassing task of trying to get another pic. I'm thinking in my head, he better get this one! I want this memory of tonight and Nicky boy is about to leave. So George was cool & said "It's my fault Nick." Nick didn't even care, he was so sweet and charming to me. George asks us "are you ready?" and Nick so cute in his accent goes "Yeah, I'm ready, I been ready" and he snickers. I laugh too. I whispered in Nick's ear "The Raven is cursed". He put his arm around my waist and I'm on my tippy tops right up against his neck (smells great btw) and we go in for our 3rd piccy and finally it came out. Hallelujah! At first I was mad at the way it turned out after looking at it. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Ok...maybe getting it right the first time and having the shot where he holding his pumping heart & I'm kissing him. I'm just glad we got one of that moment and we have our best faces on. I love Nick's face in this piccy and his sexy lifted eyebrow that suggests many things.

I've always loved his mad-conductor/mad scientist eyebrows. Bless that Nick, he looks so perfect & hot in it. It's actually one of the best pictures I seen of him, both my photos are! That makes me one happy gal. We have those faces because we just had this small make-out session you know and ahhhhh, our picture is both hot & sincere. We made a little history there in Seattle. :O) Haha. He's such a big sweetheart. He then put his arms in the air & said "Goodnight, goodbye you guys are great, thank you". Standing there looking so cute in his pinstripes and man purse! Some of his bandmates were waiting for him in the car the intire time. I wonder what goes thru their heads when watching Nick do this? Poor Warren, I wanted to really talk to him too, but Nick took up all my time. Tisk! How dare him! When he was raising his arms I was right in front of him. He still got that something. No matter how old he gets, he will always have that something! To me anyhow. I watched him walk to the back of the car to the other side and get in the back. I was feeling sad he was leaving.

Every little thing in my world was happy for me, they knew how bad I wanted this. I think even the raindrops had a smile on their little faces! It happened because I been a good-girl and all that Karma is finally finding it's way to me. I am indeed blessed. I watched his car pull away in the dark night, wondering where the rich $ will sleep tonight? We walked back to the car, both giddy & quiet @ the same time if that's possible. I couldn't believe what just happened. All the way home, back to Lisa's house, driving in the rain we were quiet (except for a few out bursts of girly giddiness). It was so nice and things like this don't happen to me everyday-well, by someone I'm so fond of Anyway. You can tell that Magda and I were just reliving that moment over & over there in that car, on the empty Seattle freeways. Going over bridges & thru tunnels. I always thought it to be weird when people would just go to a gig and when it's over jump right in their car & leave as quick as they came. Well, let me rephrase that, After a Nick Cave show. I waited for him at The Wiltern in 2001 as well, didn't catch him or he came out too late? Nick Cave is my darling little Australian and I love him most! His songs and words have invaded my head for years. He is, as the band is, electrifying. He encompasses the essence of rock and roll, charisma, sexuality, and the ability to draw you in into every moment, even if he's just wiping the sweat from his sexy brow! My brooding baby's haunting melancholy, piano-centered songs are pure perfection. All his songs always manage to please even picky snobby me. That's sayin' a lot! and I love a man who can play a mean tambourine, fuck he's sexy when he does that! I'm glad he was invented! Ha!
We got to Lisa's house & I don't remember anything from getting out of the car or going in to the apartment. I think Lisa let us in, Magda went & did her own thing. I was trying to tell Lisa what happened, but I was so exhausted it was all coming out the wrong way. I remember Lisa sitting there in the dark in the chair by the computer, I was trying to tell her about this full on kiss & how I wish I would have reacted different some what. He caught me off guard in a way, in another way I am pretty "intune" and knew that he would kiss me and I knew this even before we left for this roadtrip. I get this from my Daddy who has the same thing. Poor Lisa having to put up w/ my OCD ways! Talk about putting everything under a microscope! Sheeeesh! And Lisa kept saying jokingly that he molested me! And she would have been mad! WHAT? Are you kidding, are you mad? I would have served him up a Love Bomb if no one was around! I'd scream my head off, I would've woke you up all the way from over there. I would have made all of Seattle sing. She just doesn't get it! She's silly! LOL, I remember asking her this (because she really loves Tori, like I do) : "What if Tori came out and kissed you like that?" She replied "That's gross, I don't like Tori like that". haha- guess that was a bad example. lol. We talked some more. I had to pop 4 sleeping pills just to stop from reeling from that god damn' kiss. Yes, it was that good. Magda was telling Lisa the whole thing wrong. She never met him before, so she doesn't know. Nick was so full of clairity-must have been the cold crisp air we were all breathing. People kissed him on the cheek, but I hit the jack-pot, coins could've came from out my ass. It was pissing me off the fuck off. Like she was trying to belittle this beautiful thing I had. Fuck that! I'll always remember it like 1000 pianos playing at once, Anchors Anchored down and ships set out to sail - And that's it. So, nice try. She went off to bed. I was all Sleepless in Seattle! lol. Me and Lisa went to bed a little after, talking. Fell asleep soon after, trying to talk to Lisa while doped up on sleeping pills was kinda hard.

The next morning I woke up, Lisa already gone to that stupid orientation. I went out to see Scott and as usual he was on the lap top I had him make me my Dvd & Cd's from the trip. I had a banana for breakfast and some Tea. I called my friend Joe's mother in San Deigo 'cause her voice soothes me. I needed a mama. We had a nice little talk. Then I went out into the hallway to call my dear Grandma back home whom isn't doing so well these days (she's my mom, she raised me). I missed her so much. I haven't seen her for a good while before I even took the small roads outta town. I should. I will. I was just so blue, I always am after a roadtrip. I felt like I was just about to leave something back in Seattle. A memory? But I can bring it w/ me. There's room in my suitcase. aaaaannd my crazy head. Plus, I didn't even get to say goodbye to Lisa, so it was kinda weird. But life must go on. haha. I just wanted to burn these Dvd's and go. I just wanted to go home. Back to my place by the harbor. Sulk for a bit. Before I start working on this thing here. This 'better version of me'. Magda wanted Scott to burn her a copy of mine, rightfully so...but man, was I having anxeity to get back on the road. She wanted to pick up some Nick Cd's for the drive back home, remember she rushed me out my door so I didn't have time to grab mine before we left my house. Scott looked up directions to Easy Street Records. I really wanted to leave by 12 noon and no later. But you know...I also knew it would take a long time to get home. We were really in no terrible rush but in a way I couldn't wait to get home, to my new little nest, for whom we've already had a fondness of one another. The walls promissed to never tell my secrets, I promissed to always sing to her and keep her clean! :) I thought it was a fair trade. We gave Scott a ride to his bank & back 'cause, of course it was raining and because we love him so much. ;) We droped him off and away we drove. We didn't make the turn for the record store because somebody was driving too fast. but that's ok., we stopped in Oregon @ this outside mall & got whatever Border's had, certain ones were there, but it was meant to be that way. Long story that won't be told here. She wanted to get Ice Cream! and it was like 2 fucking degrees out! haha! So we did, she got me some Rocky Road. We listened to the same Cd, over and over and over again-and we never grew tired of it. This Cd was the sort you wouldn't. That Cd was 'The Boatman's call' . I love this Cd to death. I always have. Always will. This Cd I hold dear to my heart for personal reasons. I have to be quite honest, that it is hard for me to listen to most the time. I have to be in a good place when listening to this, or hell, maybe a bad place? Haha. I'm so glad Magda didn't get tired of it. I could never get sick of it. Never. So over and over and over we listened to it on repeat. Great roadtrip Cd. Rain, leaving Oregon heading down South. Magda driving, me a mess in the passenger seat covered by my favourite blanky that I keep mending. Looking out the window, watching the raindrops slide down the window and all the big trucks going by. Looking at all the tall Oregon trees, studying every word that came from that mouth that I kissed back there somewhere just 14 hours before. I took a few photos here & there. The grey clouds were impossibly beautiful. We both just sat there in silence and that cd seemed to be our beacon. We passed Dai's house in Oregon and I waved bye bye- see you next time I'm in your wonderful town. It started getting dark. I think we drove all the way thru Oregon and stopped somewhere to sleep for 4 hrs. and I don't know where it was? We got out of the car, got into a little bit of a sleep-deprived tiffy. A misunderstanding really, but wasn't a big deal. We slept for like 4 hrs. got up, don't remember if it was the next day or what? Or where or if we ate? It's all a blur. I was good as asleep. Magda drove for a bit, Then I took over. I loved it. She slept in the back while I drove the open road listening to The Boatman's Call. It was one of my favourite times during the trip. I love driving the open road, exp. if you have a good Cd in. The Cd was provoking thoughts and memories. I was reflecting as I weaved in and out of lanes, passing cars and big rigs. I think I should mention that Steve, the guy I met at The Hollywood Bowl show kept calling me feverishly, full of excitement and adrenaline, I loved it! He Left a message about going to more shows! I'd call him back whenever we stopped. Get this, I could hear Nick Cave blasting in the background, as he's telling me that he's on a Nick Cave trip and that Nick is all he can listen to. He asked me if I wanted to go to the 2 Chicago shows! I was thinkin' hell yeah, but I got to thinkin' I don't know him that well yet, even tho. he is a total sweetheart and a doll. You know. So, I went back and fourth w/ it. Going mad! asking Lisa & Magda, even Shelia if I should go. Anyhow, I knew we were back in CA. when the stupid sun was all out and bright and smiling and shit. It was hotter than a mother fucker and I was dying to get out of my green sweats, but didn't bring any shorts. Didn't think I'd need them! We stopped in some place called Lost Hills I guess. It's at the top of CA. It was so hot out, it was sickneen. We ate at McDonald's and Steve called me again. We were trying to make plans for Chicago. He was so freggin' excited, man give me some of what he was on! After we ate, we kept on, I drove some more, turning Am radio on to listen to Obama. It seemed like it took us longer to get to Seattle then on the way back, isn't it always like that? And we just kept on driving. We were on a mission. Stopped here and there real quick. Talked to Steve again. I was loving & cracking up at the crazy messages he'd leave on my phone. Long rammbling messages. It was fun! It started getting dark out, we kept going. We stopped at this one gas station, asking what was the quickest way to get home from where we were at. We got all different kind of answers of course, haha. I just wrote it down on my hand and off we went. My nails bitten to the quick (and I'm not a nail biter!), a big ugly zit that haunted me the whole intire trip that poor Magda & Lisa had to hear about over & over again. Sorry guys! But you don't understand!, the shit was so big even the ET's in outer space could see it! It was reading on the radar OK! Man, Nick really messes me up when he comes to town! We were getting closer and closer. We were on this little road, getting closer to my crib, but I wished we would have got there sooner, earlier. We stopped @ this little side street gas station, there were no other cars. We got out to go to the restroom and then we just sat on the curb (a piece of wood) and talked, knowing this would be our last stop before she dropped me off. Kinda sad, you know after a good road trip. At this point I just really wanted to get the fuck home. So I could lie to myself, but in my own way. So I finally start seeing my street signs.

FINALLY we pull up, she helps take my stuff up. I'll miss that rental car w/ the silly buttons in weird places. The rental car people will have fun cleaning it out and say to themselves "wtf?" when they see "Nick" written on the passenger side window which I wrote with my finger on the foggy window back there in Seattle. Anyhow, I think it was around 10pm because I could hear the cheering from the football game in the far distance from the local high school. That's how I could tell that it was Friday. haha. We said our goodbyes & I begun to feed my fish and opening all my windows. I went to my front balcony to watch her drive away. I went back in, took one look at my suitcase & it was so quiet. The cheering of the crowd had stopped and everybody in the neighbourhood was asleep apparently and I knew that this was the start to the ending. or the beginning. I see it both ways. These thoughts take up my time like some cheap magazine. I refused to unpack my suitcase. I dumped everything out of my purse and gathered all the scraps of paper that I had written phone numbers & addresses on of the people that I met. I still had the stamp of the venue on the inside of my right wrist. An "R". You know that shit stands for Raven. I opened my suitcase and there on top laid the set lists and my Raven pendant that Nick complimented me on. I had all the fun spread out on the carpet. And just sat there and laughed about the shows I was supossed to go to but couldn't. I'm lucky to have had the chance to go to these. You know I can't imagine it not raining during my moment. Seattle was perfect! I can't imagine any other city really. Thank you again, a trillion times over again Magda! Truely. I remember calling up a few friends to no avail. Whatever I was doing, prolly tripping over my thoughts but I didn't want to wash these memories off my body, I'm lying, I was actually too exhausted to take a shower, hell I had to crawl into bed actually-soooooo. before I laid my head down, pillow to my dots :O) I was walking thru a room full of confidence and doubt. Things were getting kinda gross so I go it's like sleepy time. Off to dream of dreams-. I didn't unpack for a week. Didn't want to. Talking to Steve everyday, trying to make plans. We decided not to go to Chicago after all, it was too soon, we both weren't feeling too well. I felt like I was trying to get a little cold. I never did, but I came back with a little sore throat that Magda kept teasing me that it was all Nick's fault. Haha. After a while I begun to think. Naaaaa. Break out the Halls that Magda bought me somewhere in Oregon. Thanks love. Steve & I decided the plane faire was too high. So, first I had this rush that I was going to more shows, then brought down, feeling something sorta rotton. I went on w/ my daily business, still talking to Steve. I tried to take the things I walked away with from all this and apply it to my life. Nick sent me home with homework! I guess that's 'Today's Lesson' & I guess I can truely say I been schooled. And how lucky I am to be taught by one of my all time favourite Philosophers. Right on! I'm a pro at this concert going crap & I been blessed & lucky to have traveled so far, have no tix & just get up front both nights, have such a beautiful exchange with Nicky boy himself and walk away with lovely photos, movies and memories. I can relive over and over at will. After all I deserved it going thru all this crap back home, I needed a vacation, so did my soul. Next time I will be more prepared. This was all very spontaneous and literally last minute. I was rocked and reminded that their shows are not just a concert, but more like a theatrical play. All my little "Pro's and Con's" lists & sacrifices were even screaming "go, go go!" and it was all worth it. It was all worth making out with that magically delicious neck of his! What a party for my mouth and all my girly goosebumps were invited! I had to tell my skin I'd be back in a few seconds for I had been so comfortable in it that it didn't even recognize me. King Kong was beating his chest and no Lisa it wasn't molest! (Ha, I just wanted to make a ryhme. what an MC I am, Ha!) Kidding, I'm being retarded now. I wish Nick would clone himself 50 x's over, There are women out there that want their very own Nick! :O) Still-there will only be one. And it's a shame. He's so fucking lovely with no effort and I don't think he himself even knows this. I wish he could live to be 300 years old and I wish I knew him when he was just a little boy way back when. Yeah. It's like that! Maybe not this life time. At least I gotta break me off a piece of that KIT KAT bar and I'll settle for that until the next time he & his boys avalanche my little world that shines a little bit brighter like that star that looks so good tonight. ;) I look foward to studying every little corky move he makes on stage. Until then darling go ahead and haunt me from way over there. This plays in my head: "Things you said that day up on the 101, the girl has come undone." Way up North I took my day and all in all it was a pretty nice day. Like a good book, I can't put this day back. I Tasted Heaven perfectly! I wouldn't trade these days for any others. If a Genie were to pop out of a bottle and come to me & ask me which 3 days of my life I'd like to relive, these 3 would be the ones. You can guess what my 3 wishes would be.

Couple days later I was on my floor doing some writing and paperwork I had a few water bottles here & there, laying about & in a hurry I put a piccy up of me and Nick against one of the bottles. I went into the kitchen, did things here & there, when I came back and sat down, I looked over at our piccy and saw that it was leanin' up against the one that read 'I am Loved'. I just got a huge smile on my face and I thought it was cute. Like Magda said "gotta love the halls. Haha, right. wink wink.
A couple days later when I was downtown running errands Steve called me & said that he burned me a shit load of all these Nick Cave Cd's (which was cool, 'cause most of mine were still in my storage at that time) . He was super-excited to bring them over ASAP and I was really excited. He kept pushing it and I said "Well, I'm downtown and not even at home, plus I'm not feeling so good." He insisted "come on, give me your address & I'll bring them right over, I'll be there in 30 minutes." So, I finally said "Alright". I finally get home, later then I thought. He calls, tells me he's around the corner and asks me to direct him to my place. He finally finds the place & comes in, all excited like a little child. Sits on the floor and brings out a big stack of Cd's. Right on!

I was so stoked & happy to see them once again. After a while his eyes lock onto mine and I'm thinking-"what's going on here?" He says "I have one more thing for you" and he pulls out some papers from his pants pocket and hands it to me. I look it over & see that they were printed out tickets from 4 East Coast Nick Cave shows!!! N.Y. Wamu, 2 Washington shows and the last Philly show! I said "Oh cool I'm so happy you're going". He said "No, you're going". My eyes almost popped out of their sockets! I was in shock & didn't believe him. Until I was on the phone with the Airlines making our Reservations. I again, was feeling uncertain if I should go w/ a guy that I hardly knew at the time. We talked about it before he left. I called up some of my girlfriends to ask what I should do. I even gave Magda his personal info, just incase. You never know. A lot of things come first before Nick, but not my safety. Sorry Nick. After I got off the tele I added up what he spent on the tix, he spent $983.70 just on tix alone. For a girl he hardly knew. I had a feeling that it might be too good to be true and I was right. The next morning when I got up and woke my phone out from a deep sleep I knew there'd be a message from Steve. And my intuition was right. He said we couldn't go, the airlines were too high and he thought that his job would be able to cover it, but they couldn't. So, I was upset, but thought "whatever", what ever will be will be. So I go along with my day and Steve calls few times, he goes back & fourth with us going. So, after like a week, I told him that he should at least go if he could. Go without me. He said "You know what, I think you're right and Thank~you for being my Muse because I would not have gone to any other shows if it weren't for you". "Awwwe". What a sweet thing to say. I am somebody's Muse.

While Steve was gone Nick was singing me to sleep. I'd pop my sleeping pill, put him in my headphones & I'd fall into a deep sleep listening to his sweet baritone molasses voice. He's good at putting me to sleep like a baby. Sometimes I'd wake up thinking I was somewhere else. Nick helped cure my insomnia, what a dear! and I should add, took me out of my writer's block, wow. He's done so much & doesn't even know it.

When Steve got back he called me & told me he had a great time, told me about the shows and that he had some gifts for me. I knew what they were--what I wanted so bad! So- Here I was going to go to 8 or more shows, then nothing when I was broken down by bad news, then was supossed to go to the San Deigo show-didn't happen. Pulled myself out from a black hole to go to The Hollywood Bowl show. Was then trying to make the 2 San Francisco shows, but didn't, met Magda and off to try and make it to the Oregon show, Nick's Birthday- we missed it by a handful of hours! DID end up doing the Seattle shows that I intended to in the first place. Magda wanted to only do the Denver show since it was only about 4 hours from her hometown of San Deigo, but I said that wouldn't be wise, let's head up North and try doing 3 shows! Sounded good! and it was! were supossed to go to the 2 Chicago shows w/ Steve, didn't happen and the last 4 shows w/ Steve- we all know what happened there. At the end of it all, yeah-I didn't go to all the shows, but I have my 3 shows and they were/are all precious. This spontaneous thing I should get to know her better!

*- I took the small roads out of town, my pajamas clung to me like a shroud, I hit the road at a run, And you rained that ever-loving stuff down on me. When I get home I'm gonna straight turn it out, but now you're so Far from me... I got the Abattoir blues. No More Shall We Part...

No more shall we part...