you'll never see the courage I know...

never tell

never tell

Monday, February 11, 2008

*ADP Tour Experience December 2007* 12-03 to 12-17 4am

this sums it up on how I feel about tour anymore:
AND THAT Signature thing that use to bring a following...
I have trouble now even remembering...and it's only growing harrowing.

*ADP Tour Experience December 2007* 12-03 to 12-17 4am

I planned on having my blog & photos up a few days back from tour or at least before the end of the year, but some asshole got me sick and I was laid out for 16 days. I go to great lengths to make sure I don't get sick. I think it's the rudest thing you can do to a person, get them sick and not apologize for wasting their time & being the reason for you being non-productive. I wanted to have a clear mind while writing my reveiw, but my head was clouded. Then in Jan. I got sick again with a really bad flu that lasted forever. After that I had to get all the tour photos up which took forever and a day. *Warning: This blog is very long, (remember, it's a 2 week trip) so take a nap before reading & go get yourself a sandwitch* not kidding.*

I wanted to write my blog/review with a fresh mind so I wouldn't forget anything. That's why I was writing it on my blackberry as I went along, but I regretfully gave up during the 2nd concert I attended (Seattle) because things were just so disasterious that I lost the drive to continue to write. Shame shame shame. To sum it all up, My 10 show tour experience was just alright, my least fav. of all my tori tours. I'm shocked to say the least! Now I can kick my own ass for not writing on my blackberry because I know there are things that I simply won't remember therefore l will leave out. Damn'. I went on a mini roadtrip/tour this time around. 10 shows, 8 different cities. Starting in Portland Oregon and Seattle Washington and I'm so glad I did these. I always have a good time in these 2 states and they have always brought me luck. Mid-tour were the 3 Oakland shows where things got kinda gross, moving on to Phoenix Arizona, San Diego, lovely Santa Barbara, ending in the 2 LA shows Anaheim and LA where things got really gross and by then I had already made up my mind...well, I actually did that in Oakland. "Do this last one and I'll grow me some wine". I can write just an overall review of the shows and what have you, but that's no fun is it? I'm into detail, sharing experieneces whether good or bad. I've been known for being brutally honest, but that's the way I roll. I also know that this will probably most likely be way too long. I'll try hard not to get too personal, I can do that and regret it later. I also tend to rammble, I'll catch myself before I do so.

First off I planned on doing this roadtrip by myself, driving, hotels. But some things came up that prevented me from doing so. I mean not totally alone, I had a travel buddy and did want to spend time @ friends homes again and meet up at resturants & stuff-but I like sleeping, eating, taking showers when I want, not when someone else thinks I should. But some of the car drives w/ friends were the best times I had. I loved them! some of the best memories are made w/ friends. And some you have to go in it alone. And that's fine by me. I was excited to spend time w/ old dear friends, it was nice to rekindle some old friendships, make new friends and lost/dumped a few on the way. Guess on days like this you know who your true friends are...

ON MY WAY TO OREGON (my first show of the tour)
12/03-So I left my house and city to get a plane from the Bob Hope airport. I actually like flying it's the airport that I hate & dread! These people waste my time always! Nothing ever goes smooth. I was on the silver bird, on my way to Portland to see a friend I haven't seen for 4 years! Schlyce, glitterkitty. I've missed her. I was so hungry, I would have had time to eat if these assholes at the airport didn't make me unpack & repack 4 different times! Schlyce's text message reasured me that we're grub when I get there. Good. The good news is that it was raining, I hate the sun, so this was a good thing! The guy on the plane sitting next to me was cool. I made sure no one annoying or that 2 people sat near me. Every time someone asked me if the seats were taken, I told them no, but I go to the bathroom a lot just so they wouldn't sit by me and it works everytime. My friend picked me up at the airport and we ate @ a resturant on the river called McMenamins. The food was so good! We then drove back to her house where I met her 2 kitties. She put on her different belly dancing outfits and I shot some piccys while she danced. I was finishing up Tori's letter and putting the gifts together, which was probably a waste of both my time and money. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep because somebody gave their cats catnip before I went to bed & cats were jumping. & springing off my face, stomach & just everywhere. I know it sounds funny, but it wasn't at the time. LOL.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I'm waiting on Sunday to drown

I am/was totally fucking misrable today. I can't remember a time I wanted the day to go by fast and the night to greet me. I need it dark & cold and this brightness of the day to just go away.

I am a nightowl by nature and I know the night is my best friend.

It's 5:25pm ...come on creep in...

On days like this I don't know what to do with myself/all day and all night/I wander the halls

I'm gonna start blogging my weird ass dreams

For years... For as long as I can remember I have weird dreams, the weirdest of the weirdest dreams. I've decided to write them down now. It's a shame I haven't done this a long long time ago-because I had some real doozies. Haaa baaa! It's my sleeping pills AND my very vivid imagination. I told my doctor about these dreams and how they seem so "real life like".
He said it was infact the sleeping pills-this I already knew.

Wish I would have started blogging yesterday morning w/ that real yummy sex dream (I hardly get these-so I'm feeling lucky when I do!), Lisa and Jim walking w/ me to look at my old school? Haha. lenny kravitz flying out of the sky, that republican huckabee dude w/ his weird ass eyes and my new camera breaking (which I have a lot of those-my cameras breaking) that and my teeth falling out. The 2 dreams I have over and over and over again- I'm getting chased by a T-rex all the time, and the 2nd dream I have the most are of my fish. Yes, I dream about my fish a lot and it's usually sad-like their going down the bathtub drain and I'm running to save them. Or their out flying around and talking to me.

This morning was no big deal really-but still I decided to blog these suckers 'cause they can be so bazzar! Haha. Haw.

This morning I had a dream I was working out w/ a young Joan Collins, she had a headband on. Richard Simmons was there too.
And somone else that would have made this story worth wild, but by now-writing all this-Ihave forgotten already who it was and the ret of my dream. Damn'. If I remember later I will for sure come back and jot it down. It was good I assure you because I woke up laughing going wtf?

* Some of you may have received a text message from me about 2 1/2 weeks ago saying "to be careful, I was having bad dreams and feelings about death"... Well, yeah, that was a crazy week for me and I was having death nightmares & dreams for an entire week or two. I woke up from having a "real life like dream about Tori (Amos) dying & it was so real what she was telling me, it was scary. And I was dreaming about Heath Ledger and I was talking to him in death and he was asking me what happened to him and where was he. It was so sad. I had to keep telling him it was an accident. Then I felt he was "inbetween", he wasn't ready to go. He just wanted to sleep, that was all! I was having dreams of upright ware wolf men I saw on The History Channel and seeing him out on my balcony in the rain... My.

"The things that you find in the rain, the things that you find-yeeeessss"-

So sometimes my nightmares & dreams bleed into my real life and you might get a "weird" text from me every now and then- but just love me. Meeeeeeeeeeeeee! 'Cause I love youuuuu. Muah.

To be continued...

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

fuck doctors!

So I'm back from the doctors, it was my first time meeting this doctor and still just so very unsatisfied. When will I find a doctor that will pay attention & listen to me and my needs?

He was, as always, as they all are, in a hurry. Laughing my questions off and having a condescending energy about him.
All my questions were silly and I was waisting his time.

I will have to make yet another appt. for the problem he didn't care to help. I will have to continue my search for a doctor who actually takes his/her time w/ me, actually cares about my well being and knows me by my first name. You know that hometown feel. Remember when doctors did house calls and brought their little bags! Haha...I am going to have one of those doctors someday.

So I walked away w/ a perscription for Amoxicilion and crap cough syrup that doesn't even work, even tho he proclaimed it was "pretty strong & potent". My ass-it's lousy!! I even double-downed on the dosage and still I'm coughing up a lung, maybe two.

I often wonder if these fucking medicines even really work & if these doctors even know what the fuck their talking about? I started taking the medicine and right after I started feeling worse! I kid you not! Wtf?
-I'm still trying to figure out this one...

I have tonsilitis, which he laughed off. Fucker. And with his boring speech about washing hands-ur telling this to a OCDer that washes her hands 50 million x's a day dumb-ass.
I have mucus/flem and it's constant.
Burning chest, ears itching deep inside, constant rough dry cough.
So much coughing that it gives me a headache. Chills, fever, hot sweats and sore/achey.

This blows and yes, I'm unproductive and can't seem to ever get these fucking pictures and blog up because I keep getting sick. Maybe I'll have them up by St. Patricks day! Surely! If not- I'll blow. In many different ways!

I use homeopathetic stuff too. I wish I had my own Indian medicine woman! I'll have to start reading books, well more than I have been.

So I go to Longs, get my perscriptions filled & shop around while I wait. I must've been hungry because I got all kinds of things, haha, which is weird when I'm sick I don't like eating!

I scored me some Otter Pops, remember those?, on sale for a dollar! Bu-yah! Got me some candy to ride on to ride on, they say that your cavities can't go there.
Ok, it's the retarded cough syrup talking guys! I also grabbed me some Eggo waffles, doesn't that sound good? Now go out & buy some!
I got cheese & crackers, you know those little lunchables? I got licorice, m&m's that were on sale for 3 for a dollar! Don't think I forgot the Reeses pieces either, I don't want ET on my back. I got soup of course (yuck-but it's a thing you do when ur sick) I got, get this, corn beef hash, omg weird! I haven't had that for like 7 years! I got a lame ass TV dinner and oh yeah some nail polish! I was all dumb fat and happy. Haha. I reassure you I don't usually eat crap like this, I mean- it was so weird that I even had to write about it! Haha.

Then I pranced home ever so gayly (ok, maybe not) to watch the Super Tuesday turn out.

So, there's my story and I'm sticking to it. Now go find me a good doctor while I have me my blue Otter Pop! Tee, hee. ;o)

P.s. Don't over dose

Sick of being sick god damn' it!

Well, I am sick yet again and it fucking pisses me off. I guess it doesn't matter to be obsessive w/ the hand washing and anti-bacterial wipes and spray and all the fucking exspensive homeopathic and reg. medicine I buy. It doesn't pay. There's nothing worse then feeking like shit, trying to get work done, being on a deadline that has way over passed. At least I get to watch Super Tuesday on CNN!