you'll never see the courage I know...

never tell

never tell

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

12/11 -ARIZONA~Dropped off the edge again, she's been gone-have you seen her?

We get to Arizona at like 2 in the morning I think it was. We checked into a sorta dive hotel, but it was alright, it was in walking distance to the venue. So we all bring our bags up, get ready for bed & as I'm recharging my phone I say ' I'm afraid to recharge my phone a rat might chew thru the cord'. Hahaha. I have to laugh everytime I think of it. So, again Lisa is the best bed mate, she doesn't take up much room & hardly moves! Grrrreat! So we get up way too early if you ask me, but this stupid 'check out' thing & having to eat & get ready. There was nothing else around to eat but McDonald's & I hate McDonalds! I laid in bed while lisa & sam got ready, then I got up & walked to Mickey D's & had the grossest chicken sandwitch I ever had. As I was walking in sam was walking out. After forcing myself to eat I walk back to the hotel & some guys that work there looked like they were at our door, as in already cleaning and I'm wondering where my suitcases ended up! So, I yelled up 'wait, wait, wait' and the guy gets all jacked up and gets an additude w/ me, so I get one back & go upstairs to where they are he's all 'I work here & I'm not @ your room' some bullshit like that? I'm thinking Dude calm the fuck down, all I said was 'wait'. He ended up kissing my ass in the end anyways. 'Sorry I yelled at you, you have a good day'. When I walked in the room I was so happy to see jim still in there, on the lap top & phone stressing on some tickets. My stuff was still there & I was so happy w/ myself that I got ready in like 20 minutes, that includes make-up, hair & packing. Ironiclly my hair & make up turned out the best. It's crazy. So, we get the call 'to leave'. Me & jim get our bags & drive down the street to the venue, where lisa & samantha are. Waiting to see if there will be a meetngreet. The day was beautiful. I get out of the car & take some pictures. I go up to where sam & lisa & a few other peeps are. I put my soda down & take a walk around the venue by myself. I need a lot of alone time. So I take more photos and a few of the venue marquee.
Lisa found me & we were gonna go to Starbucks, but she said it was far & I decided to stay & take few more photos & check the box office. Clouds started rolling in. I walked all the way around the building to where sam & the others were. Took more photos w/ friends & we all had fun talking. Somewhere along the line Ursula, Joe & Char showed up to the party in the rain. Some peeps were smart & brought umbrellas! Lisa & I walked to the Starbucks 'cause I needed coffee & I couldn't hold it anymore. I was so happy to be wearing my moccasins, I love them! I've got to wear them more often. Their really cute. It started raining hard, good thing we were back under the umbrellas by then. We waited & waited & tori finally came & popped out of a SUV & didn't even stop to say hi to us, she just gave us the little finger wave, like toodle-loo & in she went. Smitty did come out like maybe a half-hour before that to tell us it wasn't happening. For some weird reason, we didn't believe it & stayed anyways. It's so fucked because I was wearing the outfit I wanted to wear in 'the' photo w/ tori, of course I couldn't wear the same thing next day, so I ended up wearing a ugly blouse in the photo w/ tori the next day. Plus my hair was having a very good day. So, I was pissed, but use to it, so I shrugged my shoulders & we went back to the car to look for a resturant to gather & eat. We found a place, it was nice & fancy, they had Dr. Pepper, but I wasn't so fond of the food. Whatever. What are you gonna do? The guy that owned & worked the place was really super nice. I was irratated w/ people by this point & the way they were acting & their little comments. So, I still don't have a ticket & was going to go walk to the box office in the rain since people weren't ready to drive there yet. I went to the backroom & was taking quite a while fixing & braiding my hair. I come back out & sit @ the table, hoping they wanna drive. So, lisa calls me from the box office (well, really from Starbucks, she had already got her tix, then walked to starbucks & called me). She says 'get your ass to the box office NOW, they have 5th row!' So I freak out inside, but remain calm on the out & just right @ the perfect time jim & sam wanna go. So we get there, at a stoplight I tell them to let me out here, I had no time to look for parking. I go up to the box office & I couldn't believe it, they had sucky sucky tix. I was so pissed 'cause I sat there thinking to myself now if that was me I would have bought one for my friend & myself & let her reinburst me when she got there. There were other little things going on that was ticking me off. But by this time I was so tired of people 'just looking out for themselves' and 'every man for himself' mentality. So, I said to myself right then & there- 'fuck it I'll do the same. Why should I care if they don't?' So, I think I called her & told her the good tix were long gone by the time she called me. Blah blah blah. I told her I would have bought her one if I were in her shoes, guess she didn't like that. It was cold out & raining & was not in the mood to stand outside on my phone and argue. So I hung up, I remembered her getting so mad @ me for hanging up on her, she comes around the corner few minutes later while I was on the phone w/ a friend. She yells @ me that I was so rude for hanging up on her. I yell at her that she's the rude one. Wtf? Oh but it wasn't rude what she did, of course not. After a while it didn't seem to be a big deal to me, I thought whatever-and it wasn't her job to get me tickets anyways...I just thought it would have been nice you know...just sayin'...but whatever, so I chilled. Until later I see her go up to Jim infront of one of my old friends & she's like all talkin' shit. I was outside for a bit until someone gave me their tix, I been inside for awhile hugging friends I haven't seen for years. I missed these people. I'm looking around & that's when I see her. I was pissed yeah, but just let it slide off my back. If I really wanted to I could have gone over there, but I was sick of all the drama. I let things go sometimes...but I don't forget. Like that little comment she made @ the resturant earlier: 'Raven why are you so quiet? You are usually talking.... A LOT'. The way she said it was so condescending. I said 'It's better than being a mute like you'. 'You're a mute and when you do finally say something, what comes out of your mouth is ugly'. I don't think she heard me. This is why I like to go alone & do everything alone. So I just laugh it off & walk around w/ some friends. At times I really love & adore being on the road & doing these shows, but other times I can't wait to get the fuck home. Then when I get home I miss the road. Good thing I'm going to be doing a lot of travelling this year. So I go off to be a loner & talk on the phone w/ a friend. So I seperate myself from everybody, I'm on the phone in my little world & that's when Smitty comes up & gives me a tix. That seems to be when I get tix, is when I'm alone. It was so funny how it happened, like no words were exchanged, we just nodded at each other 'cause I was on the phone. But I told my friend to hang on & said 'Thanks Smitty' as he was walking away. So, a good front row center seat & didn't even ask. I got front row my very first night on tour from Smitty & 2nd night 'cause of my friend Joe giving me his tix. They were both corner seats tho. but what I like about those seats you can take photos, I wouldn't really take photos front row center, to distracting to tori & the people around me. If I had to choose where I wanted front row (besides Portland & Seattle) it would have been here and/or San Deigo ('cause that's one of my fav. venues, Copley has fond memories for me). Santa barbara would have been nice too 'cause she did my 'Parasol' & 'Alamo' and fuck I love 'Toast'. Don't care much about having front row in Oakland or the LA shows. It was perfect where I was at The Grove in Anaheim. That last show in LA had to be one of the worst shows I ever seen. Ok-Rammbling. So, I was happy enough. I remember seeing Tori here before years ago and I had front row that night too. Funny. So, I guess Smitty made the rounds to find my friends, they were standing together. What I think is that tori must have felt bad about not having time to do the meetngreet & told smitty to try & remember the faces that were up front. Because everybody that was @ that meetngreet upfront got front row. Rightfully so. We were all soak & wett earlier. Me Still on the phone, Char said 'raven, I'm sorry man, you missed it, smitty just did the rounds'. I say 'what'? Then hold up my ticket. So, I take my time & walk around, go to the bathroom, I love their mirrors! I walk in & just go to my seat. I loved to see my friends up there for a change. But what is weird is that everything always moves so fast. So, this front row was the kind devided in the middle, not all one long row. Which I like. Friends can come down & dance w/ me :o) I sat next to Nina, which was nice. She's quiet & still, but at least she doesn't keep getting up to get drinks, a obnoxious drunk that spills her drink on your feet, takes a million flash photos & ruins your front row experience. Who's does that? Totally drunk in the front row. Sad. And oblivious to anyone around her. More sad.
The show-

We got Clyde back to back. She was Clyde the night before in Oakland. Fine w/ me because I already seen Isabel, Pip & Tori front row. So now it's Clyde's turn. Clyde came out w/ her hot pink scarf and did her thing. 'Juarez', 'lil Amsterdam' & 'Upside down' are always nice to hear. Tori comes out and I was pleased to hear 'Sweet Sangria', 'Space Dog'-(one of my 'ole time fav. I swear, 'Space Dog' has that same relationship to 'Cloud on my tongue' that 'Baker Baker' has with 'Pretty Good year'. They go together. Soulmates. They found each other from across the galaxy, into tori's heart & head & out her mouth. And we were blissed with it). Fuck tori, what would I do w/out that song? You tell me! I LOVED to hear 'Cornflake Girl' because I rarely get to hear that song. Haha. Just kidding. 'Purple People'. Amazing. 'Black Swan', love this girl, this was the song I wanted played @ my funeral. 'Do you know where she's gone'? ...
'Northern Lad' another fav., 'Father Lucifer'- fuck yeah back to back. I been listening to this bootleg-just 'Father Lucifer' over & over again. That song moves me. When she started playin' this, I was all 'yes tori, yes.' She saw me get all into it. I even did my hand in the air like I was in church or something' haha. Whoops! 'The Beekeeper' was nice to hear again, I can never get sick of this song. Ever. And shame on anybody who doesn't like this song. Even tho. I had front row & she played a few fav. I still wasn't feelin' it like I use to. She seemed to have no energy or passion. The most fun I had was dancing w/ friends during 'Professional Widow'. Joe came from his 2nd row seat to come visit me, sam & ursula, just everyone was dancing. I took a photo of Tori's piano when she left stage. I love how it turned out w/ the lighting behind it, nice & eerie. Some girl wanted to dance w/ me & kept twirling me around over & over & over again. Haha. She was so cute! Thanx-it was fun! But yeah, I can hardly remember the show and that makes me sad. Just a blur. I go up & talk to my friend that does the lights, he gave me the set list. We talked for awhile. Jason & Ross came up to me to say 'hi'. Whew! I was talking w/ friends then out to the lobby we all go. It was so good to be back in Arizona and to see old friends. I took a piccy w/ Iggy Pop, yeah can you believe it his poster was there for the show. Ha! Gotcha! I love Iggy Pop. So we all crowded outside & chewed our free gum that they gave out after the show. Haha. Smitty was out there chewing gum as well. Then Kate & Chris wanted me to go w/ them to their hotel. Jim & the rest is who I was w/. Tug of war. So, I just stayed w/ Jim & the others @ the hotel that Ursula invited me to stay @ way back in Seattle. So yeah. No way am I going to be pushed out just because somebody wasn't 'getting along' w/ me. I've know ursula, jim and sam forever. So, that was pretty lame. I was the one who arranged the rides/place to stay in the first place. We take off to the hotel, ursula was already there w/ joe. Even tho we were staying at The Ritz jim parked the car across the street for some reason? So we ended up climbiing over a wett cement wall w/ our luggage. Heavy luggage. The wall wasn't that high at all, but still it was wett & like midnight. So we go in, as soon as we step foot in the door we were greeted. The place was like a winter wonderland, all christmasy. The nutcracker guy was almost as tall as me. A huge gingerbread house, a tree as tall as the ceiling & lights everywhere. I'm talkin' lights galore. It made me all fuzzy inside. Haha. The room was gorge. I wanted the extra bed because I didn't wanna sleep w/ anybody. The fucker was big. The bed was so comfy! We were all hungry so we got room service, but downstairs since we were the only ones awake in the hotel? We had to call the kitchen? Don't know what was up w/ that? Some went to the bar before we ate. Nice bar. Nice paintings hanging throughout the hotel. Joe had to leave for the Greyhound station @ 1am, to catch the bus to San Deigo. Poor Joe! We kept texing each other. We did that. Our midnight talks/texts. I miss those! So, we went into the next room & that's where we ordered the food, I went back upstairs for something & by the time I came back down the food still wasn't there. It came little later. We all ate, chatted & laughed. That was the best grilled cheese sandwitch I ever had in my life, I kid you not! So after a while we head up for the room, when I looked up at these 7 foot tall dudes, which I assume were basetball players. I hate sports w/ a passion (except for rugby & playing tennis) but ursula knew who they were. I think she said Utah Jazz. She started talking to them. It was funny to be in an elevator w/ such giants! Haha. They were all upset because they lost. So, we get to the room & put our pj's on. Nighty night we go. I couldn't fall asleep right away like everybody else did. Even tho I was exhausted & every other part of my body was saying 'excuse me brain, can you turn that big wheel off we want to fucking go to bed?'. Sleep you know? I finally fell asleep @ like 3am... Knowing we had to wake up @ 5:00/5:30am...wasn't so purdy.
*BY THE WAY~ I think the whole tix thing was blown out of proportion and I love Lisa to death. We talk & text like old blanket friends ;o)*

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