you'll never see the courage I know...

never tell

never tell

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


So... I thought I'd be able to sleep in. Thought wrong... I got woken up early from a deep sleep. Kelly comes in asking joe where her car keys were & that she didn't remember if she drove there lastnight. Um, can you say scary? So, once I'm awake I'm awake & I can't go back to sleep! I was soo pissed. Got up & joe's mom made us coffee, SO NICE! We all were so lazy & tired. Me & joe went back & fourth if we were going to take a shower or not, or who will go first. Lol. So he does, 'cause I tell him I'm gonna take a long one. I am so glad I took one, I felt SO much better. I love those kind of bathrooms that have a big window you can open wide & get the cold brisk air in as you take a really hot shower. I did my hair & make up while listening to his mother sing word from word every Tori song that was pumping out of the "mixed tape" joe made his mom years ago to get her "into" tori! It was so kewl. It had me smiling in the mirror as I did my hair. It reminded me of all the mixed tapes I made for my dad & friends when I was turning them on to Tori. Fuck, one time I was getting into my G'ma's car & she was blasting 'Precious Things' from a bootleg I must've left in her car. LMAO!
So, I'm glad that I took my time w/ them. They are SO fun to be around. I started getting just a little bit worried about the time, just because I forgot it gets darker earlier now. So, we all take our bags & she takes Tyra barks w/ us. I LOVE that! Tori did say "you can bring your dog" Well, that's ezactly what we did! So, this next tour moment is brought to you by: raven, joe, joe's mama, tyra banks, soft fluffly blankets and the mighty breakfast burritto I couldn't put down. THIS IS ANOTHER FAV. TOUR MOMENT I'LL NEVER FORGET! So I pile in the back of this truck w/ white fluffy, seemed like goosedown comforter, blankets & pillows. Omg, this had to be the most fun & comfortable ride I ever took. Great company, great panoramic view, had my camera ready. Took some great shots! I couldn't believe how perfect these shots came out behind a window & speeding on the freeway? Love this camera! Joe kept going on & on about this breakfast burrito & I'm thinkin' yeah yeah. I'm very picky about food & don't like a lot of things. But I was remembering how one of my new year's resolution was to try new things. So I did. I trusted joe! So, he called in our order so we could just pick them up on the way. Joe & his mom had x-mas gifts & wanted to do a little x-mas get together w/ their family before we really headed out of town. So I'm so compfy & enjoying the view & I get to stretch my leggs out. We stop & joe runs in to get the burritos & a Dr. Pepper (of course). Omg, he opens the back of the truck and digs in this bag & out comes the biggest burrito I have ever seen! I am soooo glad I tried something new! I swear it was the best breakfast burrito I had ever sank my teeth into. I have thought about it a few times since being home & was continplating if I should drive all the way to San Deigo to get this burrito. It's that good. Next time I'm in SD for sure! I was having the time of my life back there. We stopped @ his family's for gift exchange, I didn't go in to give them privacy-plus I was making love to my burrito. I remember taking a picture of a school that was across the street, I liked the sound of the bell ringing and children coming out of school. All their little voices. I took the picture to remind me to have children some day. We took off for the freeway soon after. Taking piccys along the way-of clouds & palm trees and the car behind me so I can remember what a repore that dad had w/ his little girl in the backseat. He talked to her the intire way, looking back in his mirror as she laughed & giggled. What a good daddy I thought and hoped to have one of those one of these days. "Hang ten honey, I got to get me one of those". :o)
All the while texting friends like crazy! Trying to text, take photos, touch up make-up and catching the sun before it goes down-what a multi-tasker! I will never forget the texting back & fourth with Drew/Kayla. He said some of the most beautifulest things to me that day. Thanks for making it a memorable fun ride! xox. I even said to myself that I'd rather have this ride go on forever just like it was instead of going to the show. I was excited for all sorts of reasons. I LOVE Santa Barbara & the venue, seeing friends again, feeling like it was going to be a really good show and was to finally meet up w/ a good old friend that flew in from Costa Rica. I planned on meeting up w/ him in San Deigo, but that didn't work out & I'm glad it didn't. I had so much fun @ joe's mom's house & the drive up to Santa Barbara! I was just kinda mad @ myself, just a wee bit-because I thought it was a shame to show up so late when it was dark when Santa Barbara is such a lovely place. I would have loved to have walked around w/ friends & take photos around town. Made me feel better to know there wasn't a meetngreet. I knew we'd miss it anyhow. I wasn't expecting to make it. My bad. But there's always next time. And I had fun on the drive. I see all the lights & get all giddy. We drive around to look for parking. My window was open & It was funny, like everyone I saw walking on the sidewalk I knew. Haha. I saw Jesse & yelled for him. "It's raven, I'm in back of the truck" lol. He was looking around & spotted me & waved his arm in the air. We parked up the street from the venue. Pretty close! I hopped out & grabbed my purse and sweater & then saw Danni Rabbani walking across the street. I called him to come over, we walked down together, passing all the little snow/winter scenes and penguins. God, they really go all out on decorations here don't they? I realised just then I remembered the same decorations on a previous tori tour. Lol.
Gotta love it! I walked up & loved on some of my friends. Noelle pops up again. My OG's. Max, shelia, lisa, danni, karen, julienne, ran into Mike again (he might have had the license plate w/ him still-lol), Danny, Glo, my babies-Kate & Chris, just everybody, it was friends galore! I see my friend from Costa Rica Manuel standing in the doorway waving me down. Oh it was so good to see him I run in gave him loads of hugs & introduced him to all my friends. I haven't seen him for so long. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit me in Hollywood. Things between him & I that night @ the show was fun, were fine (until later-that's the "things are getting way beyond gross" part I was talking about). I even ran into a 'Sweet Fat Man'. :o) Steve is just that-SWEET! Talked to him in San Deigo & was it ever so nice to talk to him again & snap a quick photo just as the lights were blinking letting us all know "go, fucking run". Just kidding. Even tho I was late I ran into a lot of friends. So remember that other person I was dying to see besides Karen? Well, that was Katey! And where I walked in & sat she was walking up the isle and I said "hey" & put my leg out to trip her, just like I did to Mark (tori's husband). Heehee. It was soooo good to see her & catch up w/ how things were going in her life. She brought her boyfriend who she introduced me to by saying "I think he's the one". Hurrah! I think that's beautiful. So happy for her. I love that girl. As we were talking the lights were about to go out, or they did, don't recall? I had to move from my seat & saw a empty seat in front of Manual. Funny, of all places! Nice. So I have an isle seat in front of my friend. I wanted to get closer & remembered Danni telling me that he'd save me a seat. I told Manuel goodbye. So I looked to see where D. was sitting & spotted him "fighting" w/ a thick-necked jock jerk in front of him. Haha. Here I'm trying to get his attention & climb over laps to get to him & he's going off. LoL. Finally I call him & he gestured to "come on girl", so I went. Glad I did, I had the most fun sitting w/ Danni Rabbani. Him & Joe (note to self-remember this). Danni's all into taking video & pictures like I am, so we had fun together doing that. I have to admit something-i really didn't 'try' hard to get good shots this tour/just sorta did it in a relaxed way. For several reasons. Anywho, we had a lot of fun! This dude, this asshole/weirdo sitting in front of us-when ever I was taking good video of tori he would lean over & pick his butt getting his big fat head in the way! I was so pissed. I told him to go home & take a nap, because besides him picking his butt he didn't move at all. Like a statue, like he didn't want to be there. I got only a handful of pics. I deleted some video 'cause his fat fucking head in the way. Bastard! I got a improv & a fuck up. And a few other things. I would have gotten 'Parasol' if I wasn't freaking out so much! Ohhh I love this song. I asked her to do it. That's where I got my myspace URL from/part tori-part fiona: MySeaViewOhWell.
I never dreamed that it would be Danni I'd be sitting next to, having so much fun @ a concert with! I'm so glad he came up to me in San Deigo after all. It reminds me of how much fun he can be! The Show- (who doesn't love The Arlington Theatre?) We got Clyde e poo again. I didn't mind. I like her songs. (Danni told me on New Year's eve about her dress, he's all wtf was up w/ the puffy thing on the bottom. Haha. Weird thing is I don't even remember what Clyde was wearing). We got the Clyde songs-(I must tell you this-I really wasn't that familiar w/ 'Beauty of Speed', didn't even know what it was about, I always fast forward that song-it took hearing it live on the Arizona bootleg on headphones, randomly, while making eggs for breakfast just this morning--3 weeks after tour. wow.) Me & Danni were just snapping away and after 'Big Wheel' she starts playing a few notes. Now, this I don't get: 'Parasol' being one of my most fav. song in the world. Why in the hell didn't I know what it was? She did like a different little intro & danni knew before I did. We look @ each other trying to figure out what it was. He's all "it's parasol, it's parasol".

I didn't believe him @ first. Then I heard it & I swear my heart went into my stomach. It's sad tho because I hardly remember anything about it because I was so shocked & freaking out. A silent freaking out inside you know the kind well. We all have had this storm of different emotions swirling inside us when she plays our fav. song. After she was done, I just stood up in a sea of people that were sitting down. I was not that far away & in the very center. She turned right in the middle, like she was gonna play both keyboard & piano. I stood up and pointed at her, she looked up & out right at me. I did the 'my fingers to my eyes, to hers', you know the we're on the same page/telepathy thing going on there. (Hard to explain). But we had a little moment. So glad she played this! "When I come to terms"...this is similar to a poem I wrote years ago. Fucking amazing! Ok, then she starts in w/ 'Spark' another fav. We just look @ each other w/ open mouths. Haha. Then few song later 'Black dove (january) "I never let on how insane it was in that tiny kinda scary house by the woods". Seriously. Where was this song when I needed it? Then 'Alamo' & 'Toast', 'Past the mission' w/ 'Talula' following. Back to back. The funny thing was, I lost my shoe during the Code Red rush. I think someone stepped on it, I don't know, it happened so fast, all I remember is seeing my shoe flying high in the air. Haha. I didn't care to look for it until after the show, even tho they were new shoes! Haha. I Iooked back real quick & saw a herd of crazy tori zombees, so I said forget it! It felt funny standing there w/ only one shoe on & uneven, but that's rock'n'roll baby! Lol-i'm just kidding. Another highlight for me-when tori got to the part of 'Tear in your hand' where she says "maybe it's time to wave goodbye now" I yelled "don't even think about" and she looked up & gave me that ear to ear smile/grin we all love. Again, I just wish she wasn't so tired and for the most part she was w/out passion. I understand she was tired by the time she got to us, she should start over here on the West Coast first for a change. The show was pretty good tho. I had a great time w/ friends in a great venue & city. After the show I went to go bullshit w/ the lighting tech. I retouched my make up while tori's hubby looked at me like I was crazy. Just kidding. I talk to him every now & then. I use to more often, but he's much more disconnected now, kinda like his wife. It is what it is. So I had a good night. The funny thing is, I think my timing is off because that night I wanted to stay outside the venue & talk. Seems like EVERYBODY cleared out from there FAST. It was eerie looking at the empty venue. The nights I'm sooo tired & just wanna sleep seems like some peeps wanna go out to eat at resturants & stuff. So joe, his mom, manuel & I walk to the truck to get my suitcases out & put them in our rental car that manuel got us. Piled in the bags. Got in, put the heater on & took for the freeway. As we passed the venue, being the last people there, it was so empty, eerie & sad. Manuel kept insisting on putting the GPS thingy on, even to this is my hometown & I live 40 minutes away. He wouldn't listen or trust me & it was annoying. He is from Costa Rica so he was very cold all the time. ALL THE TIME. So he blasted the heater & I was like dying after awhile. The lovely thing-I saw 3 shooting stars on the way home. I was on the phone w/ Shelia when I saw the first one & told her. It's been a long time since I saw one! Made a few wishes! I was hungry & wanted to stop somewhere quick. Not much was open. He wasn't hungry & he really didn't wanna stop anywhere. There's a Denny's right by my house, so I had him stop there, I just wanted a bowl of Frosted Flakes. As we pull up I remember saying "wouldn't it be funny if we bumped into some tori peeps in here?" He hardly replies & was just moody the whole time. I was tired too, but shit chill out. So, we go in & I see of all peeps my girl Rachel & her friends. I been hangin' w/ her all the shows since Oregon. Haha. So cool. So she came over & sat for a few & we snapped our latenight photo. Love that girl. She's so down to earth. Manuel unimpressed w/ everything sits there all smug. They didn't have frosted flakes those assholes, so I got moons over my hammy. It's so huge I left half of it. He wasn't hungry. We take off, go home & he takes forever to get his stuff out of the car & by this point I am freezing & exhausted. I don't understand why because he only had a tiny suitcase? So we get in, get ready for bed, and this is my first time being home w/ my bags. Being the neat freak that I am, I wanted to unpack everything & put them in their proper places, but I was simply too tired to do so. I let him have the big bed while I slept on the couch. He closed the door & went to bed, while I stayed & starred @ my suitcases & spent some quality one on one time w/ my fish that I haven't seen for nearly 2 weeks. My little underwater creatures were glad to see mommy's face up to the glass again. I would have had everybody stay @ my place if I had more room. Plus there was a certain someone that I didn't want tagging along & staying w/ me. Oh hell no. Plus travelling w/ a bunch of people I needed it to be calm & quiet. So... Off to beddy bye & of course I'm always the last one to shut they eye.

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